I have learned that forgiveness is a process and not a one-time act. It needs to happen over and over again whenever the angry feelings and resentment resurface. It is only accomplished as a work of the Holy Spirit through prayer.
Having said that, I think the idea of forgiveness has been abused and misunderstood. Let me use the analogy of someone clobbering someone by tackling them and thereby breaking the second person's leg. They are a victim.
The victim goes to the hospital and gets it fixed, a cast is put on it. There is no more intervention needed. But for the next 8 weeks or so, that cast better stay on and the leg needs to be protected. Even after the cast is removed, a period of time must past before full healing is achieved. It would be the utmost cruelty to expect the victim to immediately act as prior to the break.
But often mistreatment and abuse is expected to have immediate healing. I've had someone act wrongly toward me. I've had my feelings very much hurt by it. Emotional damage was caused. The wrongdoer realized that he had gone to far and really apologized. But then, he got mad because I needed additional time to recover from the hurt. The cast, the apology, was applied to my broken leg, my damage. But then the abuser immediately expected me to run, act as if the abuse didn't happen, on my still-being-mended emotions.
No, no, no! The abuser doesn't get to set the timetable for my healing. Only God can do that. It might be instantaneous. But it might take years.
I hope I explained my thought well enough to be understood.
That was a great analogy, very appropriate in explaining the length of time one may need in order to forgive.
And if the person continues to abuse the process must be done over and over.
I have said many times about people that have caused me grievous mental injury that I don’t hate them.
Hate takes great energy and constant tending to, and I refuse to allow that.
But most times I want nothing to do with them, they are out of my life as much as possible.
I watch a lot of true crime shows. In a case where a close family member has been needlessly murdered, and the family is interviewed, occasionally they will say they have forgiven the perpetrator. In most situations, I think to myself that I would never forgive them. I would want to carry out a death sentence myself.
“It is only accomplished as a work of the Holy Spirit through prayer.”
Love that!
“No, no, no! The abuser doesn’t get to set the timetable for my healing. Only God can do that. It might be instantaneous. But it might take years.”
“I hope I explained my thought well enough to be understood.”
You explained it very well Jemian. Thanks!!!