ROTFL, no expert, just somebody that has been riding almost since I could walk.
You are smart to be apprehensive because they can hurt you, badly. I have been hurt several times due to losing focus, especially on a greener horse.
Anybody that has a fear of them but wants to ride can find a good training/riding stable that uses well-trained gentle horses. These horses have had the fight/flight instinct tamped down to make them kid safe. A lot of them are older more seasoned horses. Once you are calm, a horse will be too.
Good advice! Only problem is I haven’t figured out how to stop emitting fear pheronomes!😃