Just my personal experience and opinion -
This post is about people who are trying to be nice, not about people who are intentionally hurtful.
I have had funerals where people came up to me and said stupid things that made it feel worse.
The first time this happened, I was angry, but too much in shock to even respond.
After thinking about it, I realized that the person was not intentionally making it worse, he was just extremely socially inept and clumsy.
What I eventually realized was that I would rather have family and friends show up and attempt to offer sympathy even if they are clumsy than for them not to show up at all. My clumsy friend who came to the funeral is a better friend than the smooth slick friend who didn’t.
It requires and extra measure of tolerance to hold this view. That’s hard when you are suffering and barely holding it together. I was able to find that extra tolerance by realizing that my clumsy friend was suffering, too. Real friends grieve when you grieve.
JMO.
Well said. <3