I'm not sure how start this post or if any of it will make sense.
Ryan had his checkup Friday in Houston. The last time we were there (6 weeks ago) there was a “new flare” not big enough that they could make out what it was. Could've been radiation effects, could've been new tumor growth or maybe even both? That's when they told us he was going to be on treatment indefinitely. That was hard to hear.
Fridays visit was much worse. The absolute worst day either us have ever had. Ryan's type of tumor is a astrocytoma/glioblastoma. When it came back/grew this last year it was a grade 4. The new spot they saw last time is now 8+ more spots.Tumors. Cancer. All over the area it started originally. It's spreading and fast.
As we're trying to understand what all of this meant, she let us know surgery is not an option. It's all over. It's too much. Nothing will stop it. We have zero options.
I got the courage and just stopped her talking because as you can imagine we just wanted to run out of there, but when I asked how long do we have left?! She let us know that my best friend, my lover, the best freaking guy in the world has months. MONTHS!! What the fuck is that? We of course lost it. Complete devastation. Seems so unreal. With upping his current treatment plan, and adding chemo it will hopefully give us more months. He will start this week with the new plan. Of course, he wants to fight as long as he can. However, if the new plan it's too hard on his body, he will stop. He wants as many moments and memories with our children, friends and family as he can get. So if the new medications take the quality of life, he will stop.
I'm trying to be as detailed as I can, because we do not want anyone asking us so many questions. Please respect this. We're over talking about cancer. Our children took it so hard. Ella is trying to understand and asking 5 year questions like will you be here for my birthday? what about Christmas? Abe of course understands completely and Daddy is his world. The scream I heard friday night from him, I've never heard. It was the most painful thing to witness as Ryan hold them. They are losing him. Every future huge part of their lives will not have daddy in them.
I don't know how I will get through this guys. He is my heart. Majority of our lives have been with each other. Just pray for us. Ryan is a complete wreck. No one knows what to say when people are going through hard times, but I can help a little from what we would like. We're not okay and will not be. Pray for us, If you want to reach out, please do. But we ask that you just say things like you're in my thoughts, we're praying for you guys, etc. please please do not give advice on what we should do. Do not send me articles on how someone survived or A new experimental drug. Trust me when I say, we've researched and will continue doing and seeking resources ourselves. Be patient with us. Be patient with my kids. Their world and lives just completely changed. We're sad, mad and so lost. Pray for our friends, and family as they're also processing this. When you're a man or a kind of person like Ryan is, you have so many friends the BEST friends!!! A mom, a brother, mother in law, sister in laws, brother in laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, our friends children who are also our nieces and nephews and their RyRy. We share family. My family has seen this man grow up since a teenager. Thank god for our huge support group! We love you all.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all of your love, support and thoughtfulness you've sent over the years while we have dealt with this awful disease for 7 years! God bless you all.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13 
#maurerpower
God Hold my loves close!
I’m so sorry.
I am praying for your family.
It isn’t easy.
Just came across this randomly scrolling through comments. Tears streaming. I will keep you in my prayers. God speed.
(((((Lauren, Ryan, the kids, YOU, the FAM)))))
To say Lauren’s words are difficult is the understatement of the year. What a terrible situation and helpless feeling for all of you. Expressing your pain and anger, frustration and confusion is appropriate and helpful.
Thanks for trusting us and sharing DJ. I hope you’ll find comfort in knowing the love here for you and your precious family. Words can be pretty empty but the eventual empowerment from agape will sustain and get you through day by day
💔
Hugs & prayers for your precious family.