Yeah, seriously, go see a defense attorney (initial non-emergency consultations are often free) and talk to them about how the law actually works. You have some very strange ideas about it.
Now ok I will grant he is not a true expert like a guy who has actually talked to a lawyer before. I mean he is only a lawyer...and probably has not talked to other lawyers like you have. So he probably doesn't realize its an open and shut case that its self defense.