Posted on 02/03/2022 8:45:40 AM PST by xp38
ATLANTA, GA—As CNN President Jeff Zucker and every other news anchor prepares to step down due to various disgusting allegations of criminal sexual perversion and adultery, the embattled fake news organization has announced that, to keep this from happening in the future, they will be replacing all anchors and leadership positions with Mike Pence.
"I'm truly humbled to serve as CNN's new President, CEO, Primetime Anchor, Reliable Sources Anchor, Newsroom Anchor, Inside Politics Anchor, New Day Anchor, Situation Room Anchor, State of the Union Anchor, and Tonight Anchor," said Pence. "I will do my best to restore dignity, trustworthiness, and marital fidelity to the Cable News Network."
Sources say Pence will also serve as Executive Producer, camera operator, and makeup artist for each show.
"It's too late for CNN to restore credibility to their disgraceful organization," said Tucker Carlson on his show later that night. "Not even Mike Pence can save them." Carlson then made a baffled expression at the camera for a full 10 minutes before bursting into uproarious laughter.
The Babylon Bee's female politics reporter reached out to Pence for comment, but he refused to give a statement as his wife wasn't present.
And the ratings would improve.
Also from the Bee: Tucker Carlson Diagnosed With Resting Baffled Face
A gal on Stinchfield last night had a great line (paraphrasing):
The way things are going over at CNN, it appears Jeffrey Toobin is the only one who can keep his hands to himself.
Well at least, they chose a liberal (rino- same difference)
CNN should just have robots deliver the news.
The talking points are the talking points—humans not needed.
And yet it was the first Babylon Bee headline I recognized immediately and unmistakably as theirs! I just love this outfit.
Thanks. He does do some good “reactions” to go with his stories.
I just don’t find anything amusing nor endearing about mike pence.
During the 2020 campaign Trump had a big event live broadcast at the WH. He introduced Mike Pence and his wife, Karen. She looked to hateful regarding Trump. She didn’t look at him. If she could have spat on the ground it would describe what I saw. That was eerie and foreshadowing.
too bad. any tea partyer could have told him to 86 his worst appointee, mike pence (yeah barr was a close second), right at the beginning. they could have told him (as i said many times here) that he was a gope enemy, party firster, indiana hack gov from the beginning, and to never let him near anything, let alone give him a role in policy as he did. and a fake Christian (his support for abortion and LGBTQZY whatever, etc. was the easy tipoff). Lin Wood also had his number from the beginning.
he literally destroyed Trump’s presidency from the inside right from the beginning starting with feeding leftist appointees into the administration, destroying the reputations of Mike Flynn and Jeff Sessions with Trump and ending with his pushing faschi’s mrna and warp speed.
Emerald Robinson lays it out, in particular the warp speed disaster, faschi ally, that was the Olivia Troye.
of course his expected traitorous acts at the end just confirmed it for us in the know about him.
Are we so sure about Pence?
The most useful idiot of them all!
I’ve heard Pence is gay. Some damning photos of him are out there.
Good one!
Baffle face is nothing to joke about.
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