Posted on 10/15/2021 4:33:31 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......
And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.
:)
story continues...
“Do you have a picture of your son?”
“My, what a fine looking young man. Make sure and bring him to church with you....”
;-)
ROTFLMBO
So the Scottish Priest always had to play golf on the crowded Saturday. After many years he called in sick so he could play on Sunday - while everyone else was in church!
So he’s out on the course, all by himself. Feeling a bit guilty at skipping church - but his dream has come true - just him out on the course.
At hole #1 he hits a hole in one!! Unbelievable!!
Of course St. Peter is looking down, and complains to God that this is not right.
At hole #2 the Priest hits ANOTHER hole in one. St. Peter is beside himself and complaining to God.
The hole-in-ones continue. St. Peter ramps up his objections to God. Finally, after the sixth hole in one, and St. Peter objecting, God replies “Yes he’s had six ‘hole in ones’.”
.
.
.
.
But who is he going to tell?
“Do you have a picture of your son?”
“My, what a fine looking young man. Make sure and bring him to church with you....”
OK, maybe I've a one too many Bloody Marys, but I don't get it?
Is this funny? Why?
I have a dark sense of humor—totally cool if you do not share it.
;-)
Call me a bastard without calling me a bastard...
OK, maybe I've a one too many Bloody Marys, but I don't get it?
Is this funny? Why?
Priests and pedophilia.
Fell flat with me as well.
Paddy and his long-time golf partners, Finneas and two others, are playing their weekly round of golf. As he is about to putt on the 4th green, a funeral procession enters the cemetery across the road from the fairway. Instead of putting, Paddy turns toward the people gathered at the cemetery, bows his head, says a prayer, and then asks for a moment of silence.
As they are walking to the next tee, Finneas says to Paddy, “that was awful nice of you to take time out to show your respects for the newly departed. Did you know the person?”
Without losing a step, Paddy says, “Yup, I was married to her for 42 years.”
assuming the priest will molest the young man.
Now that is truly a fate worse than death.
Golf and bragging are intertwined at every stage and completely impossible to separate.
Although a priest can always go to “confession” for his sin. His confessor might be calling him a liar though.
now i get it!! Thanks.
Man joins a Monastery to be a Monk, a very disciplined Monastery where Monks can only speak 2 words every 10 years.
After the first 10 years go by, the Monk speaks his 2 words to the head of the Monastery....”Bed Hard” ..
He goes back into seclusion and another 10 years go by.....he now goes before the Head Monk to again speak the 2 words allotted to him......and he says....”Food Cold”.....
Back into seclusion and 10 years later he emerges to again speak his permitted 2 words, .and he says to the Head Monk......”I quit”.....
To which the Head of the Monastery replies....”Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, you done nothing but whine and complain since the day you got here.” ........
The sign that hangs in the Parking Lot of the Sisters of Mercy Convent:
“Parking for Sisters of Mercy Convent only. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”
After expressing his condolences, the man asked why she had not invited one of her friends to come to the concert.
"Oh, they're all at the funeral."
LOL. Another twist to an old joke.
I was buzzing through the depressing ‘Breaking” list and saw your headline so I peeked in, just for a second.
THANKS!
You and the commenters put a much need smile on this old mug.
8^)
Jokes
Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf...They come up to a par 3 hole with a huge pond between the green and tee...
Jesus pulls out an 8 iron and Moses says “Don’t you think the 7 iron would be better?”
Jesus replies “I saw Arnold Palmer hit an 8iron tight on this hole...If Palmer can do it, I can...”
He promptly hits his tee shot into the pond...
Moses parts the waters and retrieves the ball...”Now use the 7 iron...” he says..
Jesus once again says “If Arnold Palmer can hit the green with the 8 iron, so can I...”
He hits his 2nd tee shot into the water...
As Jesus walks across the pond to get his ball, the group behind them strolls up to the tee...
One guy exclaims “Who does that guy think he is??? Jesus Christ???”
Moses turns and says “Nah...He KNOWS he’s Jesus Christ...He THINKS he’s Arnold Palmer!!!”
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