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****FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD*****

Posted on 10/09/2020 9:43:28 AM PDT by Colonial35

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.” The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.” The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst
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To: Colonial35

8>)


41 posted on 10/09/2020 10:36:55 AM PDT by Robert DeLong
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To: Colonial35
COP: Lady, what's in the bottle?
LADY: Water.
COP: That's wine.
LADY: OMG! Jesus did it again!
42 posted on 10/09/2020 10:44:44 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must.)
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To: Colonial35
Another oldy but goody:

Blonde goes to a store, points at an item and says, 'I want to buy that TV'.

Clerk says, 'We don't sell to blondes.'

Frustrated, the blonde goes home, dyes her hair brown, goes back the next day.

'I want to buy that TV'.
'We don't sell to blondes.'

Now, she's really pissed. Goes home, dyes her hair JET BLACK.

Back to the store. She points to the item and says, 'I want to buy that TV'.
Clerk: 'We don't sell to blondes.'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T SELL TO BLONDES? LOOK AT MY HAIR!!! HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M A BLONDE???

Clerk: 'That's a microwave.'

43 posted on 10/09/2020 10:50:54 AM PDT by real saxophonist (Organ donation? I'll take a Hammond B3!)
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To: Colonial35

Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.

Guy: I’ll have a draught beer.
Bartender: Fine, but don’t go starting anything in here.


44 posted on 10/09/2020 10:53:40 AM PDT by sappy (criminaldems)
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To: Colonial35

Thanks! Marking.


45 posted on 10/09/2020 11:03:31 AM PDT by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel.d)
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.


46 posted on 10/09/2020 11:05:19 AM PDT by polymuser (A socialist is a communist without the power to take everything from their citizens...yet.)
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To: Dr. Sivana

What comic strip is that?


47 posted on 10/09/2020 11:23:52 AM PDT by jackibutterfly (My mind is wandering, and I'm following it!)
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To: jackibutterfly

Doonesbury, by Garry Trudeau.


48 posted on 10/09/2020 11:35:24 AM PDT by ken in texas
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To: Colonial35; Conservative4Life

49 posted on 10/09/2020 11:43:45 AM PDT by Trillian
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To: jackibutterfly; ken in texas

“Bloom County” by Berke Breathed. Similar art style to Doonesbury, but NOT the same. Breathed was willing to make fun of himself and other liberals, too. Trudeau got tired and cheerless early on.


50 posted on 10/09/2020 12:12:26 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana (There is no salvation in politics)
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To: Colonial35

Funny stuff!

Thanks for the laughs.

Though, some really hit close to home.


51 posted on 10/09/2020 12:21:07 PM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you care! Guilting you is how they control you.)
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To: Colonial35

Thanks....I’m stealing a few of these.


52 posted on 10/09/2020 12:21:37 PM PDT by o-n-money
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To: Colonial35

Good one! Mean spirited lesbian... funny.


53 posted on 10/09/2020 12:25:57 PM PDT by Mathews (ItÂ’s all gravy, baby!)
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To: Colonial35

good one !


54 posted on 10/09/2020 12:38:19 PM PDT by stylin19a ( 2016 - Best.Election.Of.All.Times.Ever.In.The.History.Of.Ever)
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To: upchuck

Had a flyer from the Peacekeeper (MX) missile project. A beautiful sketch of the missile just ejected from the silo, as the rocket engine fires.

Caption: “When it absolutely, positively has to be there in 30 minutes or less”.


55 posted on 10/09/2020 12:38:32 PM PDT by castlebrew (Gun Control means hitting where you're aiming!))
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To: llevrok

Is that supposed to be an empty ballpark joke?


56 posted on 10/09/2020 12:38:55 PM PDT by dangus
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To: Colonial35

Thanks for the ping! Funny stuff.


57 posted on 10/09/2020 1:00:33 PM PDT by gymbeau (I refuse to be anonymous. I am THEnonymous.)
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To: Colonial35

That joke goes back to the early 1800s. In the earlier version it was about a couple who were dating. In that joke the Secret Service is the girls father and he’s pi**ed. Punchline is Dont you think I recognize my daughters handwriting


58 posted on 10/09/2020 1:04:14 PM PDT by airedale
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To: Dr. Sivana

Oops, you’re right, and they were very similar. Forgot all about Bloom County for a while there. I owe you one. ;-)


59 posted on 10/09/2020 1:11:21 PM PDT by ken in texas
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To: Colonial35

Good one.


60 posted on 10/09/2020 1:27:02 PM PDT by karnage
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