The best pizza places are mom & pop shops that have “been there forever” with owners that can trace their family back to Italy.
They don’t have to be in New York state, but usually are. It just is, get over it.
They usually make a kickass meatball sub, and bonus points if they can sell you a cannoli.
Somebody will be tossing the dough. If not, turn around and run.
500 points for someone saying something, anything, in Italian. Lots of leniency on this, even “Mingya, where’s Vinny? Friggin delivery was 5 minutes away!”
Crust will not be a giant loaf of bread with too much sauce. What is that?!
Minus 5,000 points if it is so greasy reddish orange oil is dripping off your elbows. Though a few slices of this can help avoid a hangover.
1,000 points if you can taste the ingredients. Meaning, as you bite in you notice the crust, the sauce, cheese, and other toppings. It shouldn’t taste like a big broiled glob of stuff you suffered through as a ‘dinner’ your ex-wife made. Be glad she’s gone and pray for the dumb bastard who now has to put up with her mood swings and inability to distinguish vermicelli from lasagna.
Toppings can not include weird shit. You want some science experiment with kale, elk testicle, and vermouth - you need help. Professional help. Go now.
Lastly if you’ve failed to eat the whole pie, it should taste great cold the next day.
Godita la tua pizza.
Cold pizza and a beer on Sunday morning. Then off to a football party. That was my 20’s. I wonder why I put on 30 pounds that decade.
Papa Johns tosses the dough!
Mark
As Anthony in Bluebloods so eloquently put it: “You put pineapple on a pizza, you’re dead to me!”