Why Men Hate Going to Church

9 Marks ^ | Mar 2010 | Jamie Dunlop

[CondoleezzaProtege]

Why Men Hate Going to Church, by David Murrow, explores the elements of American church life that discourage attendance and engagement of men.

His conclusion? Churches have shifted toward a style that is comfortable for the stereotypical woman—at the expense of the stereotypical man. And by men, Murrow is referring to masculine men: high achievers, alpha males, risk takers, visionaries...

Murrow points to four categories of church elements that clash with the temperament of most unchurched men.

1. Church makes men feel uncomfortable because it emphasizes feminine values

For example, sentimental songs that celebrate the intimacy of relationship with Jesus Christ bring a more feminine style of worship...

2. Church forces men to do things that they find uncomfortable

From asking men to sing in public, to sermons that are longer than the space between television commercials...

3. Men assume that church will require them to give up masculine traits

Murrow lists a number of men’s misconceptions about what they must give up to become part of a church. They assume church will make them “dorky” and “nerdy”—the equivalent of the evangelical Christian Ned Flanders from the Simpsons cartoon.

4. Church does not present a compelling model of leadership

One assumption that underlies much of Murrow’s thinking on leadership is that “If men are to return to Christ, they need strong, godly laymen to help them in their walk . . . For too long we have asked men to follow our teaching, our methods, and our theology. Men do not follow these things. I’ll say it again: men follow men.” It is difficult to argue with the premise that visionary leaders are the source of much change in this world. As a result, Murrow castigates the church for its inability to inspire men to greatness.

[Fido969]

Pastirs play to women, because they are insecure and live on femine adoration. Because of that soft-headed pastors will always show disrespect to men in general (”Why did the Isralites wonder on the desert for 49 years? Because the men wouldn’t ask directions!”)

It’s stupid pandering, and has nothing to do with past print people on Christ. What man wants to go to a church where men are regularly ridiculed?

[Vigilanteman]

LOL! People at work think I am weird because I have a nature map of the United States from the Sierra Club and I come to work with an NRA bag.

They ask me how I can support two such different organizations. I reply with a straight face "You have to save the animals before you can shoot them."

[2big2fail]

I think the article makes many great points. I grew up Southern Baptist and have attended many denominations since. I HATE freaking singing songs, holding hands with people not in my family, blabbering about keeping everyone “safe” and all the emotion and tears and sobbing etc. If you were going to design a church that would appeal to men would you do ANY of this crap?

And quite frankly, and I know this will be met with some harsh criticism, the whole concept of “praise” and “worship” is not appealing to me. Not one bit. What sort of God needs to be “worshipped” and “praised?” I assume that God is more mature than I am, that God (being perfect) would not require or even tolerate all the “praise” and “worship.” That doesn’t sound like what I imagine God would be.

I’ve been to Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, Pentecostal, Quaker, and a few non-denominational. And Catholic. So not a novice at this. Believe in God and pray. But do not appreciate church for these reasons.

[Vigilanteman]

Churches had MUCH better retention rates with their youth back in the days when they had camps like that. I think it is true whether you are talking Baptists, Catholics, Mormons and everything in between.

The Secular Church of Watered Down Christianity is merely a stepping stone to get people to abandon church altogether and worship the state.

[Terry L Smith]

Don’t forget about the years old addage of the preacher with the physiologically placed stuffed sock!!!

[systemjim]

In my opinion, this is a remarkable book. I taught it to our former church's men's group over the course of three months. We are in another church now, and I am hoping to be able to teach it in this church.

I believe Murrow is on to something, and we need to hear what he has to say. I strongly recommend it for men who are serious about the faith, and who are concerned about what's happening in their churches.

[sergeantdave]

A pastor like Gen. Patton’s Chaplain O’Neill would probably draw in over-flowing crowds of men to Sunday services.

And if I recall correctly, Chaplain O’Neill earned the rank of general before retirement.

[cyclotic]

I enjoy going to church but then ours follows the biblical mandate that men are to lead and women are to remain silent (not preach).

That said, I absolutely can’t stomach modern Christian “worship” music. Most of it is truly awful with whiny singers and repetitive themes.

I’m not an old fogey. Give me 70’s and 80’s Christian rock any day. Strong music and voices.

That said, I’m thoroughly disgusted by the response of most churches as they bow to their government overlords.

We have biblical and constitutional rights that are not subject to overview by some atheist socialist elected anybody.

[cyclotic]

I love the way you put it. All the outdoor guy stuff with Jesus.

There is a Christ centered outdoor adventure program for boys and young men called Trail Life USA (traillifeusa.com)

That’s exactly our mission. “To guide generations of courageous young men to honor God, lead with integrity, serve others and experience outdoor adventure.”

I knw of a handful of Trailmen (as we call them) who are canoeing in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula this week. A few others got together to canoe a river in Ohio over the weekend.

Nest Sunday, over 100 will get together for a summer adventure camp. Among a whole bunch of other stuff, I have 15,000 rounds of .22 long rifle in our spare bedroom ready to take to camp. I’ve also got a couple miles of rope for the rafts the Trailmen will lash together.

We’re still Open for Adventure

[KevinB]

No disrespect intended, but what does any of your post have to do with going to church?

[HumanDeer]

Because it’s too hot!! I’m wrapped up in a monkey suit in a building made up windows, and the temperature is already too high because of all the old people....and it’s Georgia!

[Jim W N]

Nothing if going to church for you has nothing to do with knowing Jesus Christ.

[OrangeHoof]

Rubbish.

But I can say that men have a more difficult time accepting the need for a savior. Most little girls are introduced to a male authority figure often called “Daddy” who manages to provide for her and keeps her safe. In return, she shows him deference and favor, if not love.

God the Father is the ultimate “daddy” who provides and protects and is always there for us. In fact, in prayer, we are told we can address him as “Abba”, literally “Daddy”. While human fathers have the ability to abuse or disappoint, most women accept their human fathers with eventual respect and admiration.

Men, on the other hand, are raised to be “like Daddy”. In other words, they are to be self-sufficient, “tough”, reliant and practical. You can’t come to Jesus with such an attitude. You have to come as someone completely unreliable, untrustworthy, submissive and incapable of fending for yourself. Western men are not raised to have such qualities, rather just the opposite.

I’ll admit I do have trouble with being open with feelings. But I’ve been sufficiently humbled (or think I have, only God truly knows) to realize my need for a savior, which is the foundation of the Christian experience. You can’t come to Jesus without acknowledging your own inadequacy. For men, this is against everything the world teaches them. But once you embrace this truth, a whole new world opens up - then attending church isn’t drudgery, it’s a necessity.

[Mr Rogers]

Clint Eastwood Reads Praise Songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB7gPIIQT7Y

[Ezekiel]

Well now that's certainly a practical Can-Do mindset at work. :)

God knows the kind of Messiah needed to wake folks out of the rituals-as-usual coma and get productive, good-spirited people excited and motivated again to do get stuff done (and cut off the dead weight). A real man to shake up the dead, established business model of the grave.

Sadly, no matter how much of a great guy.. no matter how much he's done and contributed... Jesus might get tossed from his congregation and community if he's not their expected Messiah. John Deere?! That's ain't no donkey!!!

"Ploughing matches are a familiar sight in many farming communities, although it would be fair to say that the John Deere tractor is more likely to take centre stage than the humble donkey."

https://www.donkeybreedsociety.co.uk/about-donkeys/activities/ploughing/

Rollin' rollin' rollin'.. :)

The days are coming like at the end of Toy Story where Stinky Pete gets tucked into Amy's backpack in order to learn the true meaning of 'playtime'. Heh.

Your church model is a good one. It's right out of the Bible.

Life is old there, older than the trees...

Be blessed.

[KevinB]

Nothing if going to church for you has nothing to do with knowing Jesus Christ.

Exactly. One has nothing to do with the other in my view.

[Jim W N]

Never mind that the Bible calls the Church the Bride and Body of Christ.

Have a good day.

[Ezekiel]

God Bless America.

Boys need genuine, masculine role models in order to grow up to be strong, emotionally whole, loving, Godly men, husbands, and fathers.

It looks bad out there, but help truly is on the way!

People are going to be blown away at what God has up His sleeve. It’s the good news of the Kingdom for those who will believe it.

There’s a great graphic around here with President Trump peeling back a dark, foreboding sky to reveal a bright, sunny day.

It’s like that. Just. Like. That.

[KevinB]

Never mind that the Bible calls the Church the Bride and Body of Christ.

I'm okay with that. Honestly, I believe the Bible to largely be a work of fiction, though I acknowledge that it contains quite a bit of wisdom.

[smvoice]

You are absolutely right, KevinB. That building is NOT the Church. The Body of Christ is the Church. It is made up of everyone who has been reconciled to God by the FINISHED WORK OF Christ (2Cor.). Not HOPING to be, or WORKING to be, or believe they are because they do this, don’t do that.