Posted on 03/15/2020 3:08:01 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!"
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***************
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'bout the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
Thanks for the laugh!
I’ve lived in the South...
and I still live in the South! ;)
Though I’m from the South, too. Southern California. As far from it as I could get.
Boring.
No Southerner ever addresses one person by saying “y’all” unless it is understood to be including the group he is a member of, such as family, club, etc.
Yankees can not ever get that down.
This would be a lot funnier if the states were Ohio, New York, Massachusetts, Vermont and Colorado.
100 % true story,
I went to a wedding in Georgia and was asked to help decorate the car the couple would leave in.
I went to the drugstore to buy multicolored condoms, to blow up like balloons, but couldn’t find them so I asked the young belle behind the counter.
She very sweetly drawled, “We have Rambo condoms on the second shelf.”
Rambo condoms? I thought to myself, these southerners know how to outfit for battle. “Let’s get a helmet on that soldier!”
Well I go look and sure enough, I found what I needed, Rainbow condoms in lots of colors.
A friend of mine here in Alabama was berated by his wife when he returned late from a round of golf. He left the house at eight and promised to be home by 2. It was almost seven when he arrived and his wife demanded to know where he had been.
The man explained he’d had a terrible day, his buddy Harry had a heart attack on the eleventh hole, and the rest of the day had been ‘hit the ball and drag Harry’.
Of course not! We address everyone by saying, “Hey.”
Bluff City Tennessee...... for real
The rescue squad and ambulance appeared out side Ridgewood Bar B Que.
They loaded a man n the gurney and hauled him aawy. His wife went along.
But there, his middle aged children stayed and finished lunch..... It’s Ridgewood, best Bar b Q in the world
You are so right!
It’s so annoying in movies when the Southerners address a person as “y’all”. You can tell the script wasn’t written by anyone from the South.
One member of their group had a heart attack. They propped him up in the golf cart and finished the round.
I am both Southern and a hillbilly so I have been the butt of many jokes, most by people that cannot pronounce simple words like car, bar or saw.
I can recall when we got electricity and my first exposure to Yankees was at Parris Island, Marine Corps boot camp. Most of my platoon was from PA, NY and MA. They bitched about everything while I thought it was like summer camp must be. My first indoor plumbing, great food that you didn’t have to grow or hunt for and that 5 mile run before breakfast was nothing compared to running all of my traps at 5 AM before catching the first of two school buses to get to high school.
I have lived and worked in 6 southern states and found the good natured humor between them to be the most enjoyable. It just depends on which side of the line you live, how you tell the joke.
In GA- What has 8 breast and 4 teeth? The night crew at an Alabama Waffle House.
In AL- The toothbrush was invented in MS, anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
In SC- Two GA boys were fishing where the river, that is the line, is very narrow. All of a sudden rocks start landing right where they are fishing. Looking across they see two Carolina boys and one is throwing rocks. Alabama boy yells across, stop throwing rocks, we are fishing over here. One minute later, ker-plunk, ker-plunk. Alabama boy yells over, Carolina boy whats your name. Answer yelled back is Clarence. Alabama boy, tell you what Clarence, throw one more rock and I hear there is a bridge just up river, I will come over there and kick your butt! One minute later, ker-plunk. Alabama boy tells his buddy, wait here, I’m going over there and tear him a new one.
Five minutes later Alabama boy returns and says, we need to move down river. His buddy says I thought you were going to stomp his butt. Alabama boy says, I ain’t no fool, when I got to that footbridge there was a sign on it that read: CLEARENCE 7’ 2”.
Everyone have a great Sunday and say a prayer for POTUS & the USA.
I used to do a lot of business in the South.
I always found Southern women so caring and considerate.
If I heard once, I heard a hundred times them say to me - “Why bless your heart!” (wink)
Ha. Two things.
“Y’all” is never singular.
It would be “tag number” not “license number.”
Carry on.
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