Posted on 02/17/2020 1:27:13 PM PST by Jewbacca
Looking for some advice dealing with a horrid little kid.
One of my younger daughters attends a non-Jewish secular STEM school in the USA. (It is about 1/4 Jewish.) She is a freshman. Very, very smart -- as in 1460 PSAT freshman smart, all high As, multilingual. GREAT athlete.
With considerable reluctance, I allowed her to participate in a program where young ladies are "presented" in society. She looked lovely and frum.
There is a young boy that has caused a bit of a trouble for her over the years. He's smart, father a bird colonel in the USAF, mother a doctor. He is not Jewish. I have a professional relationship with the father.
Said boy, about a year ago, thought it funny to draw swastikas on my daughter's school book. We blew it off.
Recently, at the above-mentioned social function, in the limo (with about 20 kids), he plugged in a rap song about how fun it is to kill Jews. (The other boys, all non-Jewish in the vehicle, strongly objected and made him turn it off.)
Mrs. Jewbacca is of the mind to blow this off and simply avoid the little s--t.
After my initial desire to beat the crap out of a 15 year old boy passed, I am left with a quandary.
Do I say anything? Specifically, do I speak to the father? If so, what do I say? I am of mixed minds, as I presume they learn this stuff at home. But his father (who very much knows I am Israeli) has never been anything but professional. And I would want to know if my kid was being a stupid s--t.
And the motive may not be antisemitism, in that, objectively speaking, my daughter is pretty (and smarter) and the kid is a bit of a fat troll.
Refer to Rogers and Hammerstein's "South Pacific";
You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.
Speak to the father.
I’d raise it up through the “chain of command.” Let the kid know how you feel and tell him to knock it off. If that doesn’t work talk to the father.
Outside influences, rather than what the kid heard at home, just might be the problem. If it has come from the home, you need to know that too!
Is your daughter doing the "pre-Deb" thing?
“Chubby likes your kid, duh”
This is Mrs. Jewbacca’s theory.
Too many players, too much background, aggrandizement,
self-involvement and description so I can’t help you but you taught me a new word — “frum”
The kid sounds like an asshole who needs a lesson in manners and respect. Talk to his dad about his inappropriate behavior first. If that doesn’t work, see if you can get a Holocaust survivor to speak to the class. Maybe that will shame him into straightening hes act up.
Shalom.
To repeatedly do this or similar, doesn’t sound like he’s ‘making a joke’. It sounds like he’s making a statement, albeit one thinly disguised as a joke.
Best case scenario would be if your daughter decide on her own to sever the relationship, or at least discuss any such concerns with the boy (away from their peers!). She knows how that sounds, but like any teen, she likes being part of a fun group.
The second best case scenario would be if you could tell your daughter of your objections, and suggest she stop seeing this boy. Not every family or individual is comfortable being that straightforward.
Another choice would be to speak with the Dad. It should be face to face if possible. That would avoid him getting some other message than what you have to say. Some folks don’t react well to Correction Tips when done in writing, even when the Tips are done in the spirit of wanting to help. I know this from direct experience.
The Dad needs to know that this is how you see it.
If it’s a concern to you, likely it has also been noted by other people too. Do not argue. Simply state you don’t want such an influence around your daughter.
I interact with teens a lot, that would have absolutely no impact on them. These kids aren’t unaware or misinformed, they get dumped tons of information on the Holocaust.
They’re nihilistic and don’t care. A lot of them are doing it to be edgy and rebellious against heavyhanded attempts at education. I talked to one kid and he said he trolled his teacher by saying “Hitler did nothing wrong” because she was making him watch Schindler’s list for the 4th time in his schooling and it made her cry.
“but just try to be calm about it”
“do not get into an Israeli style argument.”
Ah, you’ve met people from my country.
I have to admit, my absolute first desired response was breathtakingly illegal.
I would couch it in terms of helping the kid out, and not specifically in terms of how he treats your daughter. It sounds like her peers at school aren't about to tolerate that kind of bigotry and anti-semitism. Nor will just about anyone else he meets in the future.
That said, I'd make sure your daughter understood that she has no obligation to put up with any anti-semitic crap from anyone, and you are 110% ready to support her and defend her.
“you could tell your daughter of your objections, and suggest she stop seeing this boy.”
He’s a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend. She doesn’t “see” him.
There was no escort or date involved in this.
I'm quite heartened to hear that. Perhaps that peer pressure alone will turn him around. I think those other boys are going to remember that and he may even lose some friends as a result of that horrid thing he did.
I wonder if a restraining order could be filed. That might wake up his dad.
Good post. Real learning is not done when propaganda is rammed down your throat.
It is a process of discovery that each child must initiate on their own.
Good teachers understand this—poor teachers do not.
“I would couch it in terms of helping the kid out,”
Wise.
Go to the kids house. Ring the bell, I the father s answers punch him out. My dad did that with a couple of the fathers who would whose kids bullied me. It stopped.
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