Posted on 02/17/2020 1:27:13 PM PST by Jewbacca
Looking for some advice dealing with a horrid little kid.
One of my younger daughters attends a non-Jewish secular STEM school in the USA. (It is about 1/4 Jewish.) She is a freshman. Very, very smart -- as in 1460 PSAT freshman smart, all high As, multilingual. GREAT athlete.
With considerable reluctance, I allowed her to participate in a program where young ladies are "presented" in society. She looked lovely and frum.
There is a young boy that has caused a bit of a trouble for her over the years. He's smart, father a bird colonel in the USAF, mother a doctor. He is not Jewish. I have a professional relationship with the father.
Said boy, about a year ago, thought it funny to draw swastikas on my daughter's school book. We blew it off.
Recently, at the above-mentioned social function, in the limo (with about 20 kids), he plugged in a rap song about how fun it is to kill Jews. (The other boys, all non-Jewish in the vehicle, strongly objected and made him turn it off.)
Mrs. Jewbacca is of the mind to blow this off and simply avoid the little s--t.
After my initial desire to beat the crap out of a 15 year old boy passed, I am left with a quandary.
Do I say anything? Specifically, do I speak to the father? If so, what do I say? I am of mixed minds, as I presume they learn this stuff at home. But his father (who very much knows I am Israeli) has never been anything but professional. And I would want to know if my kid was being a stupid s--t.
And the motive may not be antisemitism, in that, objectively speaking, my daughter is pretty (and smarter) and the kid is a bit of a fat troll.
There’s the problem: he likes her and he’s mental. We know how such cases can end. We see it in the news everyday. Since your first obligation is your daughter’s welfare and hapiness, my advice is to get her completely away from him as soon as possible. Enroll her in a different school. Move, even. This is the price you pay for having a beautiful and talented daughter. Don’t advertise it. But don’t make a secret of it either. If it gets back to the father, all the better. The boy needs help, too. If the father knows lots of other people know, perhaps he’ll be more inclined to do something about it and not just brush it off.
|There are people like that.
Do you know any of those boys who were kind enough to make him turn off the rap song? If so, you might ask them if this kid really is a bigot or he’s just being a jerk. If he’s a jerk, it would be worth talking to the father. If he really believes that crap, then I’m not sure approaching the father would make much difference.
I know one — and, more importantly, I know his parents.
Great idea.
J, is there any way to home school your daughter? I jerked my younger son out of school half way in 8th because of bullying. He is now a HS senior and is graduating in the Spring....walking in the local college precession...receiving an Associates Degree. Best thing we ever did. He started Dual Enrollemt at 15.
He has plenty of friends and does a lot of activities.
No, the school is very, very good. A feeder to MIT.
She’s also runs a sub-60 400 meter and has a great track coach. She wouldn’t have the opportunity being home schooled to participate in that.
Plus, we’re not going to run just because of this kid. Not the Israeli way.
Ah. Now it's starting to make sense. I have on several occasions witnessed the phenomena of "preemptive rejection."
I had a friend that would treat strippers and whores like a queens, but would treat normal girls terribly. He would be uncharacteristically mean to any girl whom he thought might reject him, but he would be friendly and charming to the wrong kinds of girls, precisely because he knew they would not reject him.
I think there is something similar going on with this little creep. He knows he doesn't have a chance with her, and so he tries to do things to express his anger and frustration in a manner that he thinks will hurt her.
I think his father likely knows nothing of his doings, and would be aghast if he found out about it.
What to do about it? I'd try to find someone that could get the word to his father, and with some examples of his behavior, but someone who is a third party. If one of the other kids would do it, that would probably be best. Even so, this has a chance of becoming a big social faux pas.
I wish you luck, but i'm pretty sure this kid is doing "Preemptive Rejection."
This.
Have the kid and family over for dinner, talk military, guns, service, etc., come at the issue sideways. Frankly, he’s not going to gain anyone’s affection by being little tool. He just needs to figure that out by himself.
Full disclosure, I would need an intervention to keep me from stuffing the puke in my wood chipper but you obviously have restraint.
“Full disclosure, I would need an intervention to keep me from stuffing the puke in my wood chipper but you obviously have restraint.”
No, I have a Jewish wife. Right there with you, otherwise.
I totally understand.
She sounds an outstanding gal and y’all sound like incredible parents.
Keep up the good work!
Tell the dad. Let the dad beat him.
Yes, I would advise speaking to the father. If my kid were behaving disgracefully, I’d want to know. If he is a mensch or a righteous person, he will instruct his son. If he defends the behavior, tell your daughter kindly and gently what she’s dealing with and why it’s significant. After that, unfortunately, it’s up to her.
You're too late.
It is more common than you think, at least in American culture and it's not new, including in 19th American literature. Louisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls Wilder and Mark Twain included samples of it in their work.
I can also tell you that my grandmother and mother related the concept to me when I was a girl and I passed it on to my daughters.
It seems to be most common in the 12-14 year old male, so 15 is a little old for it, but some boys have to be told it is an ineffective tactic possibly because they are on the lower end of the bell curve or they have no role models at home.
It may be an extremely pathetic attempt at teasing that just comes off as rude, crude or mean.
It has also been immortalized in song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vudA72hibg
I don’t think they learn much at home anymore. They learn things online. His parents probably have no idea.
Go with your gut feeling, you'll feel much better about it.........
Loose money? If you keep it loose you might lose it.
This teen, if he is showing this kind of behavior at this age is either socially retarded or he might have some other problem. The "pestering her to get a reaction" should be long discarded by the mid-teens in a normally developed child.
But then I could be completely off base as far as his motives. He might be jealous that she is smarter, better looking or more popular then he is.
That it seems to be directed at her rather then the rest of the Jewish student body seems to indicate it may be a personal problem of some sort.
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