Posted on 03/01/2018 10:01:53 AM PST by sodpoodle
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it. 3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. 4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. 7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. 8. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 9. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 10. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
:)
That’s the one the Lord said He’d not spoken of.
Why was the bridge on the river upset with David Lean? He made the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Then there was the Indian Guru who refused novacaine when he went for a root canal. He preferred to transcend dental medication.
The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Sorry...you beat me to it.
The other one that came to mind was that the first mention of baseball is Genesis 1:1 - “In the big inning....”
If she gets tired of being pun-ished, I’m available.
So, if Anderson Cooper decides to go straight and marries a normal woman, and they have a child who turns out to be a midget, would that kid be a, ahem, MINI COOPER?
I always liked “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Bumper sticker:
Maybe the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about!
Here’s a hot one for you sodpoodle, Q&A format:
Q: How do you spell the fireproof material, asbestos?
A: Asbestos you can.
What do you think of Mozart?
I dunno. I’m inclined to knock music.
Hear about the agnostic dyslexic puppy traveler?
He wasn’t sure whether he believed in the ture dog.
Remember those idiot celebs who “threatened” to move to Canada if Trump got elected? Never mind the Great White North. If they’re ever gonna make good on promises they should move to Southern Croatia where they can CRIMEA RIVER.
Very clever!...
There was a coffee shop in my area called HeBrews.
HeBrews would be considered sexist today.:-)
.
That needs to go on the Unnngh.... thread.
My uncle got fired for putting his ‘equipment’ into the pickle slicer at work. Truth be told, they fired her too.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.