Posted on 09/22/2017 4:50:05 AM PDT by sodpoodle
I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?" I looked at her, and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn't quite know how to respond.
Am I getting to be that age?
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it 'Pumping Rust.'
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it's for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write,‘An ambulance.'
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ' The' and ' IRS ' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have Love to Share, Cash to Spare, And Friends who Care.
But a look in the flooring box showed no mastic. A look around the garage reveled no mastic and a search of the basement, no mastic.
So we went out and bought a small container.
Laid the tile.
Closed the container.
Put it in the flooring box and got out the grout.
Saw something with a lid that had been hidden behind the grout.
Nah. That was wood putty.
But on the floor beside the box was a bucket of mastic.
A brand new never been opened bucket.
:sigh:
“Last weekend, I lost/misplaced my Red Sox baseball cap. A 2004 World Series edition. “
—
2004-——Best year EVER.
.
Looks like my mirror, xept the smile.
Looking for the reading glasses everywhere. Finally look in the bathroom, glance at the image in the mirror, and there they are.
"This getting old shit, is getting old."
Another one is about retirement:
"The only thing wrong with being retired is that you never get a day off."
The reason time seems to pass faster when you get old is because once you are over the hill you pick up speed.
“I should probably clean it up and put it away for my grandson to wear some day.”
.
THE CAT IN THE HAT ON AGING
I cannot pee
I cannot see
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh, my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad — can you tell?
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass!
Funny stuff!
My favorite...”Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.”
Darn right. And I beat that “Senior Discount” thing to death! I’m saving so much, soon I’ll be able to buy one of those little motorized scooters.
“An organ recital at church?”
“Oh no. Just at the house. Emma's heart, Shirley's kidneys....”
It was neat though, she would still get together with life-long friends every few months or so. Some from grade-school. She outlived them all.
As she was on hospice in her home we would talk for hours and her mind was still great - going over the photo albums and pointing out all the people and the details. I recalled a joke - “Yeah mom - when you finally get to heaven I bet all the gals will be surprised to see you again after all of these years. They probably figured you ended up in the other place!” She was a strong Christian - but she still got a good laugh out of it though.
Shirley, I hate to ax, but what is a record player, some one like Willie Mays? Roberto Clemente?
“The reason time seems to pass faster when you get old is because once you are over the hill you pick up speed.”
Over the hill?!?
What hill?
I didn’t see any hill.
Did you see a hill?
Bwahahahahahaha...
That’s a wonderful account. Thank you!
Maybe the idealism of many of our forebears was a better way. Maybe goodness can be catching, when we pass it on.
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