Posted on 08/17/2017 9:44:34 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Q: I’m a 50-year-old guy who’s been divorced for about a year. I’m beginning to date again, but I’m uncertain who pays for what. A friend tells me that he always pays for the first date when he goes out to dinner with someone new. But after that, he splits the check 50/50, unless there’s a special reason not to, like it’s her birthday. This sounds reasonable to me. But what should I do if, on the second date, the woman doesn’t reach for her wallet as I reach for mine? My friend says he just tells his date, “It looks like your share’s about $X” and hands her the bill. I’m not sure I’m that brave.
A: We once heard a female comic say: “Of course, I’m a feminist. Not a buy-my-own-drinks feminist, but still a feminist.” Our point is, you’re right to be concerned that some of the women you date may be slow to reach for their wallets. But fear not. You’ll find your own voice for proposing to split the dinner tab as the dates — and the bills — start to pile up. Just to be clear that there is nothing wrong with asking a woman to pay for her share of dinner. The problem with your friend’s “50/50 after the first date” rule is that one size does not fit all. Au contraire.
Even by the second meal out, you’ll probably have a more nuanced financial relationship with a new or prospective romantic partner than you do with, say, a friend at work. So instead of worrying too much about when and how to ask your date to get out her credit card, spend more time considering how you’ll want to handle the situation if you begin seeing someone regularly who has significantly
(Excerpt) Read more at mercurynews.com ...
Why wasn’t she insulted by Outback?
[that was a feeble attempt at humor]
She was already insulted by Outback.....
Whoever does the inviting, pays. If the woman wants to argue about it, tell her that’s your rule and that she’s welcome to ask you out and pay then. If she still wants to argue, then you know that she’s more interested in being a feminist than in being a gracious date.
Breakfast, I presume. :-)
In my book you pay every meal. If she wants to pay you can let her. But I prefer to pay so I can order what I want. If its too expensive. Try cheaper things like make her dinner or a picnic. She just wants to go out and have fun. There are lots of ways to do it without spending too much money.
And by the way daughters cost a lot more and you always pay for them.
The woman never paid for anything when I was dating, certainly not dinner, drinks or entertainment and not even if we went into a shop while being tourists. If you don’t have money you shouldn’t date women.
After the 19th and Equal Rights Amendments, I refuse to treat anyone special and consider it offensive when they don’t offer to pay a portion, if not pick up the entire tab.
I refuse to sleep with them, call them or even walk them to the door, unless I am demanding they leave my presence....
/S
Did you vote for the 19th amendment?
ROTFL! You Ain't Just Whistlen' Dixie!
Whoever gives the invitation pays.
Given I'm living through this very scenario right now, I'm feeling somewhat more qualified than those of you who are (a)married and (b)not "dating" in their 50's to comment. Tonight I was out on a fourth date with the same woman who I like very much. The check came after she excused herself to the ladies room. I took care of the check. It was a rather expensive dinner, she invited me out and recommended the place we were at. Honestly, I really enjoyed the meal, the service and her company. She's fantastic. By the time she returned from the ladies room I'd settled the check and tipped the waitress.
My date sat down and said she was going to take care of the check and looked around for the waitress. I told her I already took care of it to which she replied "I invited you out and wanted to bring you here, that was MY check tonight!"
I received a few extra passionate goodnight kisses instead and plans for tomorrow night to see each other again. She's cooking for me at her place.
That's a real woman.
Spoken like a true man!
Then YOU reach for her wallet.
1. The guy always pays. If the lady in question insists on paying, agree to get the night over with and then find someone else if you are looking for a wife. Ardent feminism or dickering over who has the better job/most disposable income doesn't indicate a fortuitous match.
2. At 50, you'd better be grateful you found anybody worthwhile to go out with. The world is full of unattached ladies but it can be very difficult to find someone who isn't loaded with resentment against the former husband(s) and men in general. If you find a nice, pleasant lady to go out with, don't be an idiot and insist that this rare find has to pay her way.
Given your lack of reassortment skills, have you considered the monastic life?
“Spoken like a true man! “
With all due respect, spoken like a true patsy. I would do the same, and therefore I am also one of those patsy’s, but I think we should start rethinking this reflexive behavior.
Yup. A woman who won’t go to Shoneys with you is a woman you don’t want to go anywhere with.
When I was in college I went on a second date with a guy and it just happened to be Valentine’s Day. This was my first ‘Valentines’ date , so I was pretty excited. To my dismay, he had not made reservations anywhere so we drove around looking for a place that we could get in. We finally ended up at this cheap Chinese place and had to wait an hour. When the check came I can still see it now- he SLID it across the table and said ‘ I guess it’s your turn. I slid it right back with a look that I’m surprised didn’t kill him on the spot. Let’s just say not only did he pay, but there was no third date.
Very luckily, I found a younger woman who didn't have any prior marriage(s) and she and I hit it off and we married after two years of dating.
We have been married almost 20 years now and we have two children, 9 and 11 and a wonderful relationship.
It can happen and yes, I've always paid for dinner and anything else. It's called gratitude.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.