I got married at age 19, to a mixed up guy, who was obsessive and possessive. I was pretty immature in a lot of ways, myself. I knew in my heart I shouldn’t marry him, even as I walked down the aisle; I didn’t even love him. I was married to him for 25 years, and was absolutely miserable, almost every day of that time. I actually used to wish he would cheat on me, so I could, as a Christian, morally divorce him. He probably would have been a good husband for a different type of person than me, though he was so jealous (for absolutely NO reason), that he was mean to our boys, because he was jealous of my love for them. He didn’t treat the girls very well, either.
I finally realized that I would not lose my soul, if I divorced him, and that God knows me, and understands me., He said, “i hate divorce”. He did NOT say, I hate divorced people. My husband took it very hard, and has made the decision to be a victim, ever since, though he had always been a popular guy and would have had no trouble finding someone to marry.. He never remarried, just has had a long term physical relationship with a woman he wouldn’t think of marrying in a million years. I was divorced for six years, and though I wanted to remarry and have a good marriage some day, and casually (and platonically dated now and then), I never saw anyone who really attracted me. I had prayed, “God, I would like to be married some day. If you have someone for me, you’ll have to bring him to me, because I’m not going out looking for a man. There were one or two very decent men at my church, including one who was very well off, who were interested in me, but I was not attracted to them. Then one day, when I was about to turn 50, a man walked into my workplace, and I said, “There he is, he’s the one!” When he finally got up the nerve to ask me out, I learned that he had, just six weeks before, rededicated his life to the Lord. (I had a list of things I wanted in a husband, and being a Christian, was at the top of the list).
Long story short, it was pretty much love at first sight, for us , and I knew that I knew, that this man was the one whom God had chosen to be my husband. We’ve been married almost 15 years, and have never once regretted it. Is either one of us perfect? Not even close! But we are perfect for each other, and I thank God every day, for bringing us together. I don’t tell Christians my story, much, because I don’t want to influence anyone to get look at me, and say, I guess divorce and remarriage is something to be taken lightly. I am sorry my ex-husband is unhappy, but he has made a definite choice to be that way. What God has joined together, let not man put asunder. But there are many people joined together in marriage, of whom it was not God, but rebellion, who put them together. I have not a single doubt in my mind, that God put us together.
I have said all that, to tell you not to give up. God has a person picked out, who , though she may not be perfect, she is perfect for you,
“I actually used to wish he would cheat on me, so I could, as a Christian, morally divorce him.”
I don’t mean to judge, but really? Do you see the irony in that statement? You would wish he would choose sin so that God would ‘ok’ your choice to walk away. I’m sure you’ve grown in many ways since then, but that statement screams the problem with Christians these days. A lack of maturity and an inability to do God’s will for want of their own. And unfortunately that is what the unsaved world sees.
I’m glad you’re happy now, but I do hope you say prayers for your ex. He deserves them.
Thank you for your story. It gives me great hope.
He is the victim of YOU marrying a man you “didn’t love”. You set up your divorce on your wedding day. Love’s not a feeling woman, it’s an ACTION that is the result of a (daily, if not hourly) decision and endless effort. In fact, LOVE (putting the needs of others before your own with no expectations of reward) is what God commands of a husband toward his wife, RESPECT is what is commanded of a wife toward her husband.
God doesn’t tell us to breath, eat, and go to the bathroom, because we will do those things naturally. He tells us to do things that our natural selfishness avoids or ignores, and not to do things our natural selfishness wrongly allows us to do. We husbands are commanded to love our (sometimes?) cranky, self centered wives, and commands you wives to respect your (often?) cranky, self centered husbands.
Things work a lot better His way, but it is not easy.
Wives initiate 70+% of divorces, and the husbands get the bill. A little story I tell, I’m sure it’s fiction because most wives would never try this experiment:
A woman visits an attorney with the plan to divorce her husband who is hard to get along with and mostly ignores her. She tells the attorney she wants to really break his heart with this divorce to pay him back for all her heartache.
The attorney then suggests that she shower her husband with affection, bring him breakfast in bed and have his lunch packed with a heart on the bag, and dinner on the table when he gets home from work. Then make passionate love to him like when they first married. After a few months of that treatment she could drop the bomb of divorce on him and he would be devastated. She agreed and went to work.
Well, a few months went by and the attorney gave her a call asking if she was ready to do the deed and wreck her husband’s life, to which she responded; “I will never leave this sweet, sweet man.”