Posted on 01/15/2017 11:38:16 AM PST by Hillbilly sage
For those unfamiliar with Medicare, let me first explain a term. To participate in this program, you must have a "Primary Physician". Physician, of course, means someone that has successfully completed the required course of study at a University somewhere in India. Primary refers to the person solely responsible for income redistribution. They run up charges, then refer you to every specialist and laboratory in the area to get theirs.
On a visit to my Primary Physician, she informed me that due to a highly elevated PSA, an appointment had been scheduled for me to have a prostate biopsy with a local Urologist. For male readers of this post, let me suggest that if your doctor mentions this to you and you have an option, choose waterboarding instead.
To prepare for this ordeal it is necessary to starve yourself and drink mass quantities (about 17 gallons, it seemed) of liquids that were never intended for human consumption. Being raised on a farm, I recognized the odor of one and told my wife that I wished they had left it in the horse.
The big day came and I arrived at a nice office, checked in and sat down in the waiting area. A short time later, this gentleman approached me, stuck out his hand and said, "I'm Dr. Doug". I shook his hand and replied, I'm patient Steve, how the heck are you? On our way to the back he told me that we would have a short wait while they sanitized the probe, then added, "Don't know why they have to do that because we both know where I'm going to stick it". Being me, I quipped, "Must be a lunar probe". He quickly responded with "On no, its Uranus probe"
We talked for a little while waiting for the hot poker to cool somewhat and he noticed my USMC ring. He said the he was also a Jarhead having retired as a Captain. He further explained that while he had wanted to be a brain surgeon, he only started medical school when he left the Corps and was so far behind that he ended up at the "rear".
I was then dressed in a "humiliation gown" and asked to lie down on a table on my side. It was at that point his pretty assistant entered the room. When I saw her I wondered if some child labor law had been violated. They stood behind me and he told her of our probe banter. She said the she believed that I was correct because all she saw was the " moon".
All humor left that room when he fired up that front end loader and proceeded to drive it straight up my rear end. When he finished his work, he commented that I was the first patient he ever had that did not flinch once while he gouged 12 pieces out of my prostate. I took it as the compliment intended and did not think it necessary to explain "Fear Paralysis ".
When I arrived home, my first thought was food, so I fixed me a plate and sat down in front of the TV. A Fox News medical expert was explaining breaking news about the procedure I had just endured. The National Institute of Health had just released an extensive study that concluded the procedure itself may pose greater health risks than the cancer it was designed to detect.
Did you write this? If you did, there is certainly a place for you among the collection of writers. If not the top tier, certainly the bottom tier.
I hear ya. Make sure you ask for it if you ever have the misfortune to require a biopsy.
“The most painful part of the treatment was the dry run. “
I’m going to say again - I would swallow and detonate a neutron bomb before going through that. Glad you are doing well.
Well I would decline the biopsy and elect self-administered “palliative” treatment instead but I hope others take your advice.
My husband had to go to Mexico for something similar...HIFU which was not legal in US at the time. No problems. No drugs. No after effects.
Best of luck with that and God Bless.
When the results come back negative, the Urologist looks at you and says, "There is good news and there is bad news."
"The good news is your results were negative."
"The bad news is, because the first test was negative we have to do it again."
Waterboarding won't kill you......ignoring a doctor's recommendation for a urological biopsy due to "highly" elevated PSA will....
I'm losing a good friend and once tremendous softball player because he has chosen to go the holistic route to treat his prostate cancer........He's already lost over 40 lbs. and nobody has seen him at volleyball for the past 2 weeks.........
He looks like hell.......
Did it effectively treat the problem?
Tony Snow
I put it off for more years than recommended, and when I had the first one at 66 years old it screwed up the doctors schedule when he took hours to get the dozen large polyps out.
I was really lucky, a couple of them were cancerous but the cancer hadn't spread through the polyp ‘root’ into the colon wall yet.
Guys, don't put off the big probe - but get your doc to knock you out for the procedure. As a bonus apparently I even have a tattoo somewhere up there I can't even show people...:^)
Since I don’t have a prostate, it reminds me of the thoroughly unnecessary, primitive, and harmful colonoscopy. The date of my first one is NEVER. PEG is not just destructive of the healthy bacterial biome but also neurotoxic and can have negative sequelae in the brain from one exposure (the clean out drug).
There is no reason to ever have a colonoscopy if you eat a healthy diet with emphasis on keeping your gut bugs well fed. If you have problems in the intestines now, evidence of polyps and such, maybe you need it looked into and maybe you need a clean out but use a magnesium product instead. But to everyone else, read up on what gut bugs like to eat, feed them, avoid seed oils, daily junk food, and eat clean. The bacteria love fiber, especially resistant starch.
The prostate should be located like the oil filter on an old stove bolt 6. Where the mechanic can get to it....
Yes, most definitely and without side effects or any drugs needed after.
I eat healthy aND have for years...but I always have polyps when I get a colonoscopy. ..have them every 5 years...still hate them...and yes there is risk...
I had a PSA done, and it was "high" (but not very high) and the guy wanted to do a biopsy. I opted out.
As God is my witness I will never have another prostate biopsy. Aside from the site getting infected and ending up in the emergency room sicker than I’ve ever been in my life, there were apparently permanent side effects I will not get in to. I would seriously advise extensive research prior to having this procedure. Don’t take your doctors word for it like I did.
“Will the procedure you describe reduce the raised psa levels or lowever the enlarged prostate levels?”
I can’t give a medical opinion. However, my PSA dropped way below normal for my age. The more prostate tissue, the higher the number. So, both go down.
If you’re close to St. Pete, Florida I will try to look up the doctor’s contact information for you. He seemed willing to spend hours talking about it. He has a museum of these machines in his office, having one of every model since the first one. We talked about my urologist’s reluctance to suggest it as he sited poor luck with the procedure. The urologist in St. Pete said, “Yeah, there’s quite a bit of art to it. It’s not cut and dried, so if you don’t do a lot of them you won’t necessarily get good results.”
Not only did I write it but the events and quotes from Dr. Doug are true.
Unfortunately Doug had left our area prior to my cancer diagnosis but I will always remember what a unique and colorful person he was.
As to your comments of top/bottom tier, I do not have a clue what that means.
You are top tier writing talent. I was just making a tasteless bottom tier joke regarding your “moon shot”.
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