Posted on 11/28/2016 10:34:54 AM PST by JamesP81
Prayers offered for you and your wife.
Just a suggestion. . .how about doing some Bible Studies at home that have cd or dvd. http://www.theblessedlife.com/ (The Blessed Life) http://www.jackgraham.org/ (PowerPoint)
Yes, I actually did that. Every parish around me is too lib for my taste. Ever heard of a “multilingual mass”?
You are still part of the only church that matters.
God’s peace and contentment in all that he has blessed you with.
I have no idea what church you go to so I don’t mean to sound presumptuous but the current North American conservative evangelic movement is in a bad way. It is rife with spiritual abuse. Churches are becoming hierarchal social clubs. Many christians are being damaged.
What you wrote about your wife, I could have written about mine 6 years ago. But here is the thing. What I finally found out was that she was right and I was wrong. She saw it before I did. We thought our church was characterized by love but it was not.
It was all hierarchy. How long had you been a member? What position did you hold? Who were your “friends”? This resulted in relationships being characterized by an overwhelming lack of love.
Just one example. My wife also complained that she had no friends. She would approach friendships with sincerity but was met by women seeking to establish a dominant position. This was mostly done by “ministering”. Every conversation was about how my wife was doing and what she needed to do to fix herself. It sounds so loving and helpful but, in reality, this was the way women established their place in the hierarchy. The higher ups ministered to those below. It’s sick.
There were so many dysfunctional dynamics like the one I describe above but none of it was spoken and it took a long time to figure out what was going on. We finally left that church and found a healthier church. However, it still had sprinklings of the problems and our experience resulted in us having a hard time trusting people. We are still working through it six years later.
My advice to you is from Ephesians 5:25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, giving yourself up for her.
Also, consider that your wife’s problems are a symptom of something that is wrong in the church. Listen to her. Look for examples of legalism or people worship. Do people rave about your pastor? Are there families in the church that are considered “royalty” because they are so godly? Do people leave the church and you never hear from them again?
I will pray for you and your wife.
Having left a church in the last 5 years I understand the turmoil, regardless of the reasons. Now I wonder why we stayed as long as we did and I will pray for this crisis point to be God taking you both to a much better place for your growth in faith and knowledge. It is not easy I know but it can be even better!
Love your wife with all your heart. Do not allow your church to become your mistress. If she’s in distress, then you should be in distress with her. Someone hurt her and you should be supporting her and tending her wounds.
There is no conflict. She comes first in your actions, thoughts, and heart.
G-d is always with you. Church or no.
Several years ago my synagogue began sending letters to people asking for their 1040s so they could, determine what you could afford to pay for dues. We dropped that congregation and found another that lets seniors pay what they can afford. Better congregation, too. That aside, prayers for your wife and you.
Among the more dumb and clueless thing I’ve ever seen.
I hope you don’t seriously buy in to that hokum.
As a Christian wife I say, do not go down the redpill rabbit hole of the dread game advocated by the previous poster. You have only to look at its roots to see what fruit it would bear. Christ didn’t love His church through manipulation and gaslighting, and it’s no way to love a wife.
Gently, but firmly, set a time limit to find a Godly church agreeable to her. If she can’t find one to commit to, then you need to lead and pick one yourself. God needs to come first in your relationship. If you haven’t been spending time with your wife and the Lord outside of a church setting, you need to remedy that, posthaste. If she won’t do that, you need to make sure she sees you doing so on your own. You have to be mature enough to discern her true needs (friendship, spiritual connection, etc) and be solicitous to them while guiding her away from that which is not essential.
If at some point it comes to counseling, don’t let her pick a counselor on her own. There are good, Christian therapists out there, but you need to pick them carefully out of a field filled with misandrists. Don’t send her off on her own if it can be avoided, but accompany her to the sessions.
You may need to drive a little farther to find one that is “scripturally correct”.
Sorry you are going through this, James.
I am a woman, and went through something similar. However, it was my husband who was falsely accused, and kicked out of the church.
But the pastor expected me, the organist, to stay on!
Needless to say, I saw them last in my rear view mirror.
So please, remember, the “church” is the Body of Christ. It is not a building or a hierarchy. Take some time off, minister to your wife as her life-partner, and when the time is right, reconcile with your original church or find a new one.
And I will pray for you both.
prayers sent. a church ‘fight’ is never good.
no one there who can help counsel and/or heal the situation?
family.
I’ll pray for you.
But the problem is with you (and your relationship with your wife), not the Church or anything else.
As the man, it is your fault and your problem.
Understand that and you’ll be faced in the right direction.
I went to a multilingual mass just last week. We had the Kyrie in Greek, the Sanctus in Latin, and the Our Father in English....
Well, I guess it didn’t seem to fit on a thread of someone looking for support in a spiritual manner, but if that is what you believe, then I accept your view on it as being an attempt to help.
It isn’t my cup of tea, but I couldn’t tell where you were going with that. Just curious.
I appreciate your words, but I don’t agree with the analysis.
Our church has issues like all do, but they are not the issues you are describing. I have been in churches before that, in fact, are that way. I recognize the signs and patterns and they aren’t present at our church.
She’s been a member at this church since long before we got married. Almost 10 years. We got married in June of 2014 and I joined her church. I was a deacon up until now.
My friends were actually the pastor, the associate pastor, and almost all of the people in church that are our age. Granted, it took some time to break the ice, and I’m not friends with everyone in our age group, but I am friends with most of them (most constituting around a dozen people out of a pool in my age group of around 20 people. It’s not a particularly large church. Regular attendance runs around 100, and is predominately older).
The things my wife says about the other women in church, especially the ones with children are not fit for being repeated. This is kind of a repeat of previous behavior, though it’s worse than before. Before we got married, she had this idea that she had no friends at church because she wasn’t married. I think she believed getting married would fix that. When expectations didn’t match reality, cognitive dissonance ensued.
How old are you? 16?
This is one of the worst posts ever to be found on FR.
Give us this day our daily bread...
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