I appreciate your words, but I don’t agree with the analysis.
Our church has issues like all do, but they are not the issues you are describing. I have been in churches before that, in fact, are that way. I recognize the signs and patterns and they aren’t present at our church.
She’s been a member at this church since long before we got married. Almost 10 years. We got married in June of 2014 and I joined her church. I was a deacon up until now.
My friends were actually the pastor, the associate pastor, and almost all of the people in church that are our age. Granted, it took some time to break the ice, and I’m not friends with everyone in our age group, but I am friends with most of them (most constituting around a dozen people out of a pool in my age group of around 20 people. It’s not a particularly large church. Regular attendance runs around 100, and is predominately older).
The things my wife says about the other women in church, especially the ones with children are not fit for being repeated. This is kind of a repeat of previous behavior, though it’s worse than before. Before we got married, she had this idea that she had no friends at church because she wasn’t married. I think she believed getting married would fix that. When expectations didn’t match reality, cognitive dissonance ensued.
Your situation seems very similar to my family situation, except I was the wife who had a husband who wanted to leave because he had issues with our church (by hanging around a critic who “poisoned” him.”)
One of the hardest things I have ever done was leave that church—they were like family to me. We had been members over 20 years; my spouse and I met and were married there—I really felt my husband was “in the wrong” by wanting to leave. I struggled with bitterness toward for about two years leading up to the time we left.
One day (prior to our departure), I was reading a book on marriage and the author pointed to the Book of John when Jesus washed the disciples feet at the last supper (including Judas—knowing what was in his heart).
John 13:3-5 “Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself..and began to wash the disciples’ feet.”
I was able to see a different perspective than just having to leave a church that I really loved. I learned that being Christ-like is serving or preferring those with whom I disagree (or even doing something that was hurtful to me). I was able to see the betrayal that Christ felt (on a much smaller scale) and yet still love and serve and prefer my spouse.
Four years later, I can honestly say that my marriage is the best it’s every been. We are closer and are more considerate of each other. Yes, we are at a different church, and I don’t have many friends there. But, the transformation of our marriage is just short of a miracle.
I’ll definitely be praying for you—it’s very easy to become bitter.
after reading this post I’m responding to, I am doubling down that your decision to give up all your friends there will prove the beginning of the end of your marriage.
Now she thinks children will solve her social problems? Uh oh. Be careful.