***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. ~Mark Twain

Men would not live long in society, were they not the mutual dupes of each other. ~François VI de la Rochefoucault (1613–1680)

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ~Mark Twain

Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever. ~Charles Lamb

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
~Robert Frost, "Cluster of Faith," 1962

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. ~Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. ~Will Rogers

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. ~Henry Louis Mencken

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~Douglas Adams

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. ~Max Eastman

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself. ~Clifton Paul Fadiman

I have great faith in fools — self-confidence, my friends call it. ~Edgar Allan Poe

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. ~George Orwell

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~Rita Rudner

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one? ~George Bernard Shaw

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job. ~Author Unknown

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. ~Jack Handey

Anderson Cooper told Donald Trump that he acts like a five-year-old. Trump then laughed really hard and said ‘Well, Cooper rhymes with ‘pooper.’” ~ Conan

Last night was the GOP town hall on CNN and of course all of the focus was on Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. I have to say, Trump and Cruz are turning into the real-life version of “Batman v Superman”: It’s taking too long and it sucks. ~ James Corden

An opening speaker at a campaign event for Hillary Clinton yesterday asked the attendees in the audience to welcome Clinton by chanting her campaign slogan with enthusiasm. And the crowd immediately started chanting, “It’s! My! Turn! It’s! My! Turn!” ~ Seth Meyers

Donald Trump in a new interview supported the idea of holding back attacks on the wives and children of rival candidates, before adding, “All you have to do is tell that to Ted Cruz because he started it.” Trump then added, “I’m not touching him! I’m not touching him! I’m not touching him!” ~ Seth Meyers

Conservative pundit Glenn Beck said Friday that Ted Cruz was “anointed” by God to become president. To which God replied, “No, no, no, I said he was ‘annoying.’” ~ Seth Meyers

A conservative radio host told Donald Trump he reminds him of a 12-year-old playground bully. Trump responded by shoving the host and calling him a “gaywad.” ~ Conan

Donald Trump became a grandfather for the eighth time, ladies and gentlemen. When Trump actually met the baby, he was like, “Wow, look at the size of those hands!”

The family says the baby is doing well and has already used its building blocks to build a wall between him and his nanny. ~ James Corden

Donald Trump got a nice delivery on Sunday: a new grandson. His daughter Ivanka gave birth to a baby boy. She named him Theodore, which is interesting. Theodore is usually shortened to Ted, like Ted Cruz. That’s one way to get back at your father. “Dad, we’d like you to meet Theodore, Rosie, Megyn Kelly, Mexicans, Muslims, Jeb Bush.”

As of a couple of hours ago, Donald Trump hasn’t tweeted about his new grandson. He’s waiting to see the birth certificate. He’s nothing if not fair. ~ Kimmel

Donald Trump is furious over an ad featuring a nude photo of Melania. Trump’s mostly furious because it’s the first time he’s seen Melania naked in years. ~ Fallon

If it comes down to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, if the vote was today, Trump would be in trouble. Clinton leads Trump in a hypothetical matchup 54 percent to 36 percent. While 68 percent of likely general election voters view Donald Trump negatively and the other 32 percent don’t have Twitter or television. ~ Kimmel

Bernie Sanders recently spoke at the U.S.-Mexico border in Arizona and said, “we don’t need a wall.” Then Bernie said, “But then again, I also told Noah we didn’t need an Ark, so who knows?” ~ Fallon

Over the weekend at a Bernie Sanders rally, a woman took off her top and revealed anti-Trump messages. Witnesses say she made two good points. ~ Conan

Donald Trump met with the editorial board of The Washington Post yesterday and called one of the editors “beautiful” when she asked him a question. In his defense, the question was “what’s the longest word you know?” ~ Seth Meyers

Bernie Sanders this weekend gave a speech at the Mexican border. Actually he was in Vermont, but they could hear him at the Mexican border. ~ Seth Meyers

I read about a parrot that actually hangs out at a Bernie Sanders campaign office in Tennessee. So if you want to hear someone repeat everything Bernie Sanders says, just wait two weeks for Hillary to say it. (”Uh... We need to redistribute the wealth!”) ~ Fallon

Well, here’s the latest on the election. Three more states went to the polls yesterday, and a lot of places wound up having record turnout. I guess people really want to be able to tell their grandkids, (OLD) “There used to be a country called America and I voted in its last election.” ~ Fallon

Lets check out Trump’s presidential qualifications

Obama is against Trump
The Media is against Trump
The establishment Democrats are against Trump
The establishment Republicans are against Trump
The Pope is against Trump
The UN is against Trump
The EU is against Trump
China is against Trump
Mexico is against Trump
Soros is against Trump
Black Lives Matter is against Trump
MoveOn.Org is against Trump
Koch Bro’s are against Trump
Hateful, racist, violent Liberals are against Trump

Bonus points

Cher says she will leave the country
Mylie Cyrus says she will leave the country
Whoopi says she will leave the country
Rosie says she will leave the country
Al Sharpton says he will leave the country
Gov. Brown says California will build a wall

Sounds like the kinda president the US needs!!! Go Trump!

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