Posted on 12/08/2015 11:51:57 AM PST by PJ-Comix
Yesterday (yes, December 7) marked my 10th year anniversary of marriage. Earlier today I was talking with a friend who underwent a bitter divorce a few years ago. While my wife and I have had MANY arguments (usually at least once per day), we have never gotten close to even thinking about divorcing. After 10 years I think I can qualify on how to have a happy marriage. Here are a few key points, some of which might seem counter-intuitive:
1. Don't have too much in common. Yes, that is correct. What happens when a husband and wife have too much in common is that gives too much possibility for conflict. Just ask Bill and Hillary who have an intense interest in politics how their marriage has worked out. Better yet, ask Bill's "Energizer Bunny" how it has worked out. I have MANY hours of the day on my own doing stuff my wife has no interest in. Likewise she does things that don't interest me. The result is much less chance of conflict. Also some of her interests are helpful for both of us. For example my wife loves poring over financial details which bore the hell out of me. Therefore she handles most of our finances except for tax returns which I do on TurboTax.
2. Argue often. My friend who had a bitter divorce said it came about because he and is wife rarely talked and over the years built up a cold simmering resentment of each other. Contrast that to my wife and I who frequently argue. The saving grace is we both have a sense of humor and such arguments usually end with us making funny faces or saying funny stuff. Sometimes when my wife if lecturing (hectoring) me I put my hands over my years while yelling about not hearing her in an exaggerated fashion.
3. Have a funny line to use when your wife (or husband) attempts to spy on you while using your computer. My line is "DON'T HOVER!" or "STOP HOVERING!" It's not that I have anything to hide but just having someone watch over my shoulder gets on my nerves.
4. Get GroupOns. I'm not plugging it but it is fun to find restaurant deals on the cheap and go out together every couple of weeks or so. The deals are often so good that you can't not pick them up.
5. Above all, keep a sense of humor about everything. Deadly seriousness can be fatal to a marriage.
LOL! I see the secret to your success - humor!
Congratulations, PJ! :)
CONGRATS!
Dont marry a liberal is my advice! my mistake..beautiful but it wasn’t worth it..made it 7 years and was an utter disaster
“22 years and I still haven’t let her have the combo to the gun safe.”
I have the safe combo but not the keys to the Mini. Oh well, pick your battles. He puts up with my 4 cats.
My wife and I will be married 10 as of next September. We have almost everything in common, try not to argue much and have no problem with computer based spying. Your mileage my vary.
I never would marry a liberal, no problem. I won’t even be friends with one. I’ll be polite but they will forever be in the ‘acquaintance’ category. I would never trust someone with such twisted values.
Hahahahaha
“and having values in common - especially political- is crucial to me.”
Critical! It helps that I met mine here on FR :D
My wanted me to take someplace she’d never been before.
So I took her to the kitchen.
(I should have robbed a bank ..... I would have been released in 7-10!)
My husband and I rarely argue, should I be worried? I absolutely hate conflict and dread dealing with upset and angry people, so I avoid it as much as possible. I probably married into the wrong family because my in laws can not just overlook faults and minor offenses (not only my faults but everyone’s!). After seventeen years of marriage my husband now agrees with me about not confronting your loved ones about everything they may do wrong. I much prefer to calmly discuss the important issues before I’m bothered enough to argue about it.
I like Dr. Laura’s approach,” Choose wisely, treat kindly.”
Basically, be polite to your spouse. I always say "please" and "thank you" to him. It is a little thing; but, it is worth it. In January, we will be married 35 years. We are both rather traditional people, conservative, we have our roles in the relationship and we support each other. God was good to me when he put my hubby in front of me as a choice. Best choice I ever made.
. . . and I nineteen. The unfortunate truth is, you never ever really know what kind of bomb your spouse will drop on you. I believe the only really true measure of marital strength is the level of selfishness of one or both spouses. Selfishness is the root cause of unhappiness and disenchantment. Marriage is NOT 50-50, it is 100-100. Both must be willing to sacrifice all they are as an individual to make it work. The problem is, our culture teaches our children it is all about MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Dang Dude, I remember when you GOT married.
Best of luck to you two.
t.
Really? How neat. Can you tell a bit of the story?
Wow, sounds like my home where I grew up. Constant bickering. I also got out of the house as soon as I could, then, to help even further, I moved to Seattle (my family lived in the Chicago area).
Well done so far.
You are just getting started.
Most important is to do the little things that are important to your spouse. Maybe it is her favorite coffee or her favorite TV show. Doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate and it usually isn't.
Also, you should have the same and similar attitudes towards money.
And In-laws can cause problems too. It is preferable to live across town or your state or even in a different state from your in-laws.
Hey some of my family is around Chicago. My in-laws are massive bickerers too, primarily led by my MIL who just doesn’t feel a sentence is complete if it didn’t belittle or hurt someone. Not the world for me.
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