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17 Historically Hilarious Facts About Alcohol
Diply ^ | 11/6/15 | staff

Posted on 11/06/2015 11:06:03 AM PST by Heartlander

17 Historically Hilarious Facts About Alcohol

If you thought we were the first generation who liked to get our drink on, then you are sadly mistaken. Yes indeed, our forefathers and their forefathers and THEIR forefathers all liked to wet their whistles and get a little tipsy. You know how sometimes, when you have a few too many, you start to spit out random facts about things you didn't even realize you knew? Well, put your party hat on, because here are 17 historical facts about booze that will leave you laughing.

1. Consumable Alcohol Has Been Dated Back To As Far As 12 000 Years Ago.

When the ancient tribes first started learning about farming, they also stumbled upon the process of making good old fashioned booze. In fact, in their attempts to feed their beer guts, these ancestors may have even inspired the new agricultural technologies that would eventually lead to the Neolithic Revolution. Cheers to that!

2. Ancient Babylonians Used To Drown Those Who Ruined A Batch

I'm pretty sure this was the very first form of the party foul. Screw up a game of beer pong - finish your drink. Ruin a batch in Ancient Babylonia - drown yourself in it. Rules are rules, folks. 

3. The Oldest Known Recipe In The World Was For Beer

Way before your mom's tuna fish casserole and Uncle Pete's famous artery - clogging meatball sandwiches, the world was trying to find a way to quench their thirst and get the party started. You've got to flip to the very first page of historical recipes for this one.

4. Sailors Used To Light Their Drinks On Fire To Test The Proof Of Their Rum

Before pounding a few back, sailors used to mix their rum with gunpowder and try igniting it. If It caught fire, or blew up, it was good rum. Seems logical enough. 

5. Vikings Used To Toast To Their Victories By Drinking From The Skulls Of Their Enemies

Hey, sometimes when you can't find a clean shot glass you have to improvise. Who knew the vikings were so damn resourceful?

6. The Puritans Actually Took More Beer and Wine Than Water With Them On The Mayflower

Clean water wasn't at the top of the grocery list when the Puritans were preparing for their voyage aboard the Mayflower, but as long as they have enough wine and beer what could possibly go wrong? 

7. Winston Churchill's Mother Was Originally Thought To Have Invented The Manhattan Cocktail

Sir Winston may have been one of the greatest wartime leaders of all time, but his mother was allegedly the one who gave the world a fancy new drink to sip on - both of which are incredibly admirable actions. Thank you, Churchill's, for changing the world for the better.

8. The Pyramids Were Built While Under The Influence

The workers at Giza used to receive about 4 litres of beer a day. The only thing I've built with 4 litres of beer is a bad reputation. 

9. The Vikings Believed That Their Heaven Consisted Of A Magical Beer Brewing Goat

In the wonderful afterlife of Valhalla, the vikings believed there would be a goat who produced beer instead of milk. As cool as that would be, I think I'd still prefer a pint poured from a keg, thank you very much. 

10. The King Of Prussia Tried Banning Coffee So That More People Would Drink Liquor

Poor old Freddie The Great - all he wanted to do was party, but instead people had to drink their precious coffee. Here's to you, Freddie!

11. The Pilgrims Actually Stopped At Plymouth Rock Because They Were Low On Booze

Yes, one of the main reasons the Pilgrims decided to stop at Plymouth Rock was due to the fact that their cooler was empty. Desperately looking for the nearest liquor store, they just so happened to stumble across the Native Americans. The rest, of course, is history. 

12. Historians Believe That People Initially Farmed To Make Booze, Not Food

People have been trying to tie one on since the earliest days of agriculture. People didn't really care about growing their own food, they just wanted to get a little tipsy — the food thing was probably just a coincidence. 

13. Bourbon Was Named The Alcoholic Drink Of America In 1964 By Congress

It was a huge "Party In The USA" when the government acknowledged bourbon as the country's drink of choice. Even though she wasn't born yet, I like to imagine Congress rocking out to Miley Cyrus' tunes while sharing a few glasses of bourbon—that's the America I want to live in.

14. Abe Lincoln Had A Liquor License And Actually Operated Several Taverns

Honest Abe loved to kick back with a cold one after a hard day of running the country. In fact, in his spare time he could be found tending bar at one of his many taverns. Wouldn't "Honest Abe's" be a wicked bar name?

15. Magellan Brought More Booze Than Weapons On His Voyage

Many historians have documented the fact that Magellan loved to drink Sherry so much that he actually packed his ship with more booze than weaponry when he was preparing for his voyage. That's right, not only did Magellan organize the Spanish Inquisition, but he also performed the first real road trip. 

16. The First Thanksgiving Didn't Have Mashed Potatoes, But Tons Of Booze

We've all experienced the massive food hangover after a few too many plates of Thanksgiving turkey, but the pilgrims and their hosts probably experienced real hangovers after a meal that consisted of wine, beer and other party drinks.

17. George Washington Had His Own Personal Brewhouse

Even the first president needed to get away from it all once in a while. His version of a man cave was his own personal brewhouse where he'd often escape to whenever Martha would try to get him to talk about their relationship. 


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To: Heartlander


21 posted on 11/06/2015 12:04:37 PM PST by JoeProBono (SOME IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED;-{)
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To: Politicalkiddo

Teddy Roosevelt’s sixth great grandmother and her husband opened the first tavern on Manhattan Island. Given that she also was known for going down and mooning the arriving sea vessels I’m guessing that it was also known for other things. I know all this because I’m descended from her half brother. Also, our adopted daughter is descended from one of the signers of the Mayflower Compact. So the stories about the beer on that ship are interesting. Oh, and supposedly my sixth great grandmother’s brother, Elijah Craig, invented Bourbon. No wonder our family has issues.


22 posted on 11/06/2015 12:11:57 PM PST by Mercat (You don't recommend better diet and exercise for a shark bite.)
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To: Heartlander

We all know beer created civilization.


23 posted on 11/06/2015 12:15:02 PM PST by kaktuskid
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To: kaktuskid

https://vimeo.com/23278902

Proof


24 posted on 11/06/2015 12:29:09 PM PST by TexasTransplant (Idiocracy used to just be a Movie... Live every day as your last...one day you will be right)
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To: JoeProBono

25 posted on 11/06/2015 12:29:41 PM PST by Daffynition (*Gun control is a tool to make innocents pay the price for the guilty* W.LaPierre)
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To: Gamecock

I wouldn’t have drunk the water back then either.


26 posted on 11/06/2015 12:56:23 PM PST by WKUHilltopper (And yet...we continue to tolerate this crap...)
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To: Calvin Locke

“Sea voyage or not, alcohol in any sort of beverage was a good thing”

And it still is. :-)


27 posted on 11/06/2015 1:24:16 PM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Mercat

“Also, our adopted daughter is descended from one of the signers of the Mayflower Compact.”

So am I, as a matter of fact. :) I’m related to the Roosevelts that way, actually. And Lizzie Borden. Don’t know what that says about me. ;)


28 posted on 11/06/2015 1:28:14 PM PST by Politicalkiddo ("This is the way the world ends--Not with a bang, but a whimper.")
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To: WKUHilltopper

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” ― Benjamin Franklin


29 posted on 11/06/2015 1:28:58 PM PST by Politicalkiddo ("This is the way the world ends--Not with a bang, but a whimper.")
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To: Heartlander

The “tons of booze” stories are misleading because low-alcohol beer was used in place of water, since the alcohol minimized bacteria. Low-alcohol beer simply safer than water for drinking.


30 posted on 11/06/2015 1:29:09 PM PST by St_Thomas_Aquinas ( Isaiah 22:22, Matthew 16:19, Revelation 3:7)
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To: Heartlander
Clean water wasn't at the top of the grocery list when the Puritans were preparing for their voyage aboard the Mayflower, but as long as they have enough wine and beer what could possibly go wrong?

The guys aboard the Mayflower were not Puritans. They were either Separatists or Church of England. Not a Puritan to be found.

And water tended to go bad sitting in wooden barrels in the hold of the ship. Sailing with only water on board for a long voyage in those days was a good way to arrive with a true skeleton crew.

Considering the very bad history in this one statement I would take all the others with a king sized grain of salt.

31 posted on 11/06/2015 1:33:24 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: Heartlander

With all that grain in the pyramids, I’m not surprised that they had plenty to brew.


32 posted on 11/06/2015 1:35:37 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Heartlander

The founding fathers were buzzed pretty much all the time.


33 posted on 11/06/2015 1:35:46 PM PST by Hugin ("First thing--get yourself a firearm!" Sheriff Ed Galt, Last Man Standing.)
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To: Hugin
Most people were.

Until the arrival of coffee and tea the whole of Europe was usually mildly potted all the time. This was usually not a problem when you were copying a book or weaving on a hand operated loom but running a press or a weaving machine would have been right out.

Coffee and tea not only did not leave you a bit off but actually perked you up. So the industrial revolution was made possible by coffee and tea.

34 posted on 11/06/2015 1:41:18 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: DoodleDawg

“Alcohol is a solution. Just ask any chemist.”

I hate to do this, because it is a funny pun, but, alcohol is a solvent, not a solution.

Maybe change it to

Alcohol is not a solution - just ask any chemist.


35 posted on 11/06/2015 2:17:15 PM PST by ifinnegan
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To: Heartlander

#3 is wrong. The oldest known recipe is for mead, not beer.

L


36 posted on 11/06/2015 2:21:46 PM PST by Lurker (Violence is rarely the answer. But when it is it is the only answer.)
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To: laplata
Hilarious? I don’t think so. A bunch of made up, inacurate crap is more like it.

I'll drink to that! Hic!

37 posted on 11/06/2015 2:52:44 PM PST by dearolddad (/i>)
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To: Lurker

Ditto Dat .... !!

BTW have ya seen the new “Low Ball” tumblers from Yeti ? Great little coffee cups, tea or bourbon vessels for the work bench.

http://yeticoolers.com/rambler-lowball/

Very nice for a few fingers of good sipping bourbon like Kentucky’s “ Buffalo Trace “ or a blended whiskey like “TX” from Firestone & Robertson in Ft Worth. Some chilled soapstone “cubes” doesn’t water it down thus keeps the flavor true and clean.

http://www.buffalotracedistillery.com

http://www.frdistilling.com/whiskeys/2

Stay Safe Troop[ !


38 posted on 11/06/2015 2:54:15 PM PST by Squantos ( Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet ...)
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To: Squantos

Got a bottle of BT on the shelf upstairs. Good stuff. I’ve got some of those stones and they work really well.

Been doing Rye Manhattans lately. Spring for the Fee Brothers bitters and the Luxardo cherries. You’re worth it.

Backatcha.

L


39 posted on 11/06/2015 3:05:17 PM PST by Lurker (Violence is rarely the answer. But when it is it is the only answer.)
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To: Lurker
#3 is wrong. The oldest known recipe is for mead, not beer.

Probably discovered by accident, since if you harvest honey combs before they're capped there is still a high percentage of water in the nectar. If you store this for awhile it naturally ferments and makes a very sweet mead. I've done it myself by accident.

40 posted on 11/06/2015 3:08:26 PM PST by Dan Cooper
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