***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. ~Author Unknown

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Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the "spirits" of things. ~Dee Snider

******

'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.
~William Shakespeare

[Lucky9teen]

Got my gun permit yesterday, then went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.

When I was ready to pay by credit card for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.

I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.

[ShadowAce]

[freedumb2003]

Image completely stolen and expect no attribution!!!!

LOL :)

[TADSLOS]

LMAO.

[Freemeorkillme]

Don’t click on that lin........

DOH!

[freedumb2003]

Do you know why cannibals don’t eat clowns?

They taste funny.

[ShadowAce]

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween!

1.  When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2.   Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3.   Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone  out.

4.   If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language  which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save  you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several  rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak  with somebody else's voice.

5.   When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it  alone.

6.   As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to  Hell.

7.   Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This  would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8.   If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and  find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9.   If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

10.   Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11.   If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a  good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12.   Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure  you know what you're doing.

13.   If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall  down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are  running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14.   If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15.   Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16.   If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not  go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17.   Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

18.   If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

19.  If you find that:
a. your house is built upon or near a cemetery,
b. was once a church that was used for black masses,
c. had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
d. had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house,
MOVE AWAY IMMEDIATELY.

20.  Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

[ShadowAce]

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin boiunced  after him faster....faster...BUMPBUMPBUMP.

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward  him.  The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin...and suddenly "the coffin stops."

[Lucky9teen]

[Dacula]

What do you call a hotdog with a hole in the middle of it?

A Holloweinie

[Monkey Face]

IN!!! Top...something...

Happy Nevada Statehood Day/Halloween!

[TexasCajun]

[ShadowAce]

Merry Christmas!!!!

Dec 25 = Oct 31

for all the geeks out there!

[TexasCajun]

[TexasCajun]

[TexasCajun]

[TexasCajun]

[TexasCajun]

[TexasCajun]

[ErnBatavia]

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