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I Won't Take It Lion Down
blueunicorn6 | 10/17/2015 | blueunicorn6

Posted on 10/17/2015 3:39:01 PM PDT by blueunicorn6

We have had an absolutely gorgeous September and October. The best ones I can recall. We used to call these nice months an Indian Summer. You aren't supposed to call them that any more. The politically correct term now is Indian Fall. I call it White Man Keep His Tan Time.

This is also the time of year when the Circle Of Life gets a slice of Pi cut out. The Mom Mountain Lions often tell their offspring to move out of the basement and find a job. Of course, being young, they usually wind up in my back yard looking for a handout, which in this case, means one of my dogs. Not that I'm for starving lions, but I think they should do like the other young animals and order a pizza.

My dogs whole-heartedly agree with me.

I was in the living room reading a book about how the saxophone was invented (Hint: It has to do with herding chickens) when all three of my dogs skidded into the room trying to hide behind my chair. They looked like that Jerry Lee Lewis song because "There was a whole lotta shakin' going on".

I'd seen this kind of behavior from them before. It was when I put the remote controlled car under the bear rug and chased them around. My wife gave the car to the neighbor kids after that escapade. I've been trying to figure out how to get an eagle model strapped to one of those drones to see if the dogs can recognize an air threat. My wife figured out that was a threat and gave that to the neighbor kids, too. It's like I'm their rich uncle or something. The least they could do is send me a thank-you note. But no, they just strafe me when I'm mowing the lawn.

But I digress.

I knew something was on the back deck. I got up and went to see what had scared the dogs. It was a mountain lion. I think it was a young one because his pants were hanging low.

I know that many people here at FR would have got a gun. Well, I'm getting soft in my old age. If I shot everything that bothered me, there wouldn't be any neighbor kids for my wife to give my toys to. I figured I'd just scare him off.

Let's see. What are cats afraid of? Obviously not my three chicken dogs. I remembered reading about how people in India use masks to keep tigers from attacking. We still have my son's old Halloween costumes in the closet. So I went and got a mask.

It was Pikachu. That yellow rabbity-looking Pokemon character. I put on the mask. The dogs lined up by the back door to get a better view or maybe they thought we were going trick-or-treating. I jumped out the door and yelled, "Pika! Pika!"

Well, Pikachus must be on the menu for mountain lions cause he came at me like a mountain lion guided missile. I tried to get back in the house, but the little dog had locked me out again. One of these days I'm going to learn to carry my keys and then we'll see who's laughing.

I don't know what the current defense against an attack by a mountain lion is, but I went with the old reliable "Scream Like A Little Girl And Run". I was high-tailing it to the neighbors house looking like that sprinter from Jamaica if he was old and white and slow.

Fortunately, the neighbor kids were outside playing with my, I mean their, remote controlled toys. I yelled "Get the mountain lion!" They must have misheard me because they dropped their controllers and ran into their house. I figured they were probably almost as smart as my dogs and had locked their door.

I reached the controller for the car and grabbed it. Now it was mountain lion versus man with remote controlled car.

It was one of the most pathetic fights ever in the history of humans versus wildlife. I tried to ram the cat with the car and he just swatted it and gave me a "Is this the best you got?" look. I screamed again. I don't know what I thought that would do. Maybe make the cat cover his ears.

This allowed enough time for my wife to show up on the back deck with her rifle. Now, she can have you stand sideways and shoot the buttons off your shirt at a hundred yards and all you'd feel is your belly getting exposed to the weather. She's getting soft though, too. She fired into the air. That really ticked me off. Here is her man screaming and she can't shoot a cat.

It worked. The cat skedaddled. My three brave dogs walked out on the back deck once they realized they had Mom for fire support. Oh, they were plenty brave then. They were barking at the mountain lion like they were really fearsome. I hissed at them and the cowards ran back inside trying to get behind my chair.

I thanked my wife for saving me. She called me her "Big, brave Pikachu".

I kept the controller and the remote controlled car from the neighbor kids.

My three brave hounds are going to get another surprise visit from the old bearskin rug tonight.


TOPICS: Astronomy; Conspiracy; Pets/Animals; UFO's
KEYWORDS: feldspar; glasnost; humour; rutabaga; shimmy
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To: Dilbert San Diego

Yep. Indian Summer. White Christmas. Blue moon of Kentucky. Lots of things are “aggressive” now.


21 posted on 10/18/2015 9:40:00 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: blueunicorn6

Excellent. :)


22 posted on 10/18/2015 9:40:05 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: JoeProBono

LOL!


23 posted on 10/18/2015 9:40:58 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: McGruff

LOL!


24 posted on 10/18/2015 9:41:20 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Redcitizen

Thank you.

It’s like my neighbor Wise Buffalo says,

“When the antelope run and the magpie flies, it’s because blueunicorn6 was eating beans again.”

He has a lot of great sayings like that.


25 posted on 10/18/2015 9:47:21 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: W.

Thanks.


26 posted on 10/18/2015 9:47:47 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: Excellence

Glad you enjoyed it.


27 posted on 10/18/2015 9:48:17 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: amorphous

Well, it’s like my Grandma always said,

“If you can make someone smile, then the corn is ripe.”

She was a little out of it there for awhile.


28 posted on 10/18/2015 9:51:06 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: moose07

Ahhhh....moose07.

I’m just blueunicorn6. You’re one moose ahead of me. I don’t really know if that is good or bad, though. Are you the one that is always biting someone’s sister here on FR?


29 posted on 10/18/2015 9:54:22 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: JoeProBono

I thought that video was real until I saw the stick shift. Mountain lions don’t know how to use a clutch. They buy all their cars with automatics.


30 posted on 10/18/2015 9:57:16 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: blueunicorn6


31 posted on 10/18/2015 10:02:32 AM PDT by JoeProBono (SOME IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED;-{)
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To: Vermont Lt

I never knew that.

I’d be outside helping Dad split firewood and if it was nice he’d say,

“Looks like a nice Indian Summer this year.”

I’d ask him what we call it when it snows in October.

“Normal”, he said.


32 posted on 10/18/2015 10:10:07 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: McGruff

Thank you.....I think.


33 posted on 10/18/2015 10:11:35 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: NicknamedBob

Much of it is true.

There wasn’t really a mountain lion in my back yard, though.

It was an alien.

I just thought no one would believe me if I wrote a story about an alien in my back yard, so I changed it to a mountain lion.


34 posted on 10/18/2015 10:15:38 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: Silentgypsy

I’m glad you enjoyed it.


35 posted on 10/18/2015 10:16:21 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: octex

I like to start the day with a good laugh.

I just read whatever Hillary Clinton said the day before.

That always cracks me up.


36 posted on 10/18/2015 10:18:40 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: trebb

Springfield, Ohio?

I was run out of town by a mob in Springfield, Ohio.

Torches and pitchforks.

I was a lot faster back then.

I tell you, they don’t take kindly to jaywalkers in Springfield, Ohio.

They’d have shot me, but they hadn’t reloaded from taking care of that litterer.


37 posted on 10/18/2015 10:23:57 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: trisham

Thanks.


38 posted on 10/18/2015 10:24:59 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: JoeProBono

Well, of course some lions have their own showfer, chowfer, personal driver.


39 posted on 10/18/2015 10:32:34 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: blueunicorn6

Fun story, thanks.

Just curious about your screen name “Blueunicorn6”

Was “blueunicorn1-5” already taken?


40 posted on 10/18/2015 10:44:10 AM PDT by Zeneta (Thoughts in time and out of season.)
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