Woohoo!! Friday!!!
A student asked his English professor, "How would you define a dilemma?"
The professor responded, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate the answer to that question. Just imagine that you're laying in a really big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side of you, and a gay naked man on the other."
"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the debt."
"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all..
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the State..
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong..
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles...
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Please home school your kids.
"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"
Senior citizen discounts should just round dollar amounts down so we don't have to wait in line behind them while they dig for change.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating.
Symptoms include:
* Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing your president pander to Muslim terrorists.
* Uncontrollable heartburn from watching nightly news.
* Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Barack Obama, twice.
* Extreme acid reflux due to frequent vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people and we do nothing about it.
* Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows the “Rev” Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host.
If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available on Tuesday 8 November 2016.
IN!!
I had a stroke recently, I actually thought I had a another one the the other night.
In 1865 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States .
In 1881 a left wing radical Democrat shot James Garfield, President of the United States - who later died from the wound.
In 1963 a radical left wing socialist shot and killed John F. Kennedy, President of the United States .
In 1975 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at Gerald Ford, President of the United States .
In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Ronald Reagan, President of the United States .
In 1984 James Hubert, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 22 people in a McDonald’s restaurant.
In 1986 Patrick Sherrill, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 15 people in an Oklahoma post office.
In 1990 James Pough, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 10 people at a GMAC office.
In 1991 George Hennard, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 23 people in a Luby’s cafeteria in Killeen , TX .
In 1995 James Daniel Simpson, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 5 coworkers in a Texas laboratory.
In 1999 Larry Asbrook, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 8 people at a church service.
In 2001 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at the White House in a failed attempt to kill George W. Bush, President of the
US ...
In 2003 Douglas Williams, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people at a Lockheed Martin plant.
In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung - Hui Cho, shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech.
In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner, shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 others.
In 2011 a registered Democrat named James Holmes, went into a movie theater and shot and killed 12 people.
In 2012 Andrew Engeldinger, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people in Minneapolis .
In 2013 a registered Democrat named Adam Lanza, shot and killed 26 people in a school in Newtown , CT.
As recently as Sept 2013, an angry Democrat shot 12 at a Navy ship yard.
Clearly, there is a problem with Democrats and guns.
Not one NRA member, Tea Party member, or Republican conservative was involved in any of these shootings and murders.
SOLUTION: It should be illegal for Democrats to own guns.
IN! (I had to set up a new laptop! Sorry I’m late!)
I agree with your assessment of the debate performances. Appreciate the silly spin with pictures. Nicely done!
