A student asked his English professor, "How would you define a dilemma?"
The professor responded, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate the answer to that question. Just imagine that you're laying in a really big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side of you, and a gay naked man on the other."
"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"
This is gonna sting:
A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the debt."
"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.
OT and BTY - I recently received a FReepmail thanking me for my MONTHLY donation to FR. How about you?
Got this in an email: The New Lord's Prayer (since the original isn't allowed in school anymore):
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all..
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the State..
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong..
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles...
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Please home school your kids.
h/t Bill
Can you find the differences between these two pictures?
There's been a lot of confusion about the "Iran Deal." Perhaps this will help:
Quick thoughts picked up here and there:
"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"
Senior citizen discounts should just round dollar amounts down so we don't have to wait in line behind them while they dig for change.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating.
September, 2015 - Doctors at the CDC released a statement disclosing a new disease that has already infected over half of the United States and is anticipated to continue to spread. The disease itself affects all the cells of a person's entire body, then goes dormant. The disease ravages the body and leaves serious side effects. These side effects have been labeled as PIST-AWF (Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue).
Symptoms include:
* Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing your president pander to Muslim terrorists.
* Uncontrollable heartburn from watching nightly news.
* Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Barack Obama, twice.
* Extreme acid reflux due to frequent vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people and we do nothing about it.
* Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows the “Rev” Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host.
If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available on Tuesday 8 November 2016.
