Posted on 06/12/2015 6:03:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began doing absolutely nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
IN BEFORE THE PING!!!
We get our air conditioning fixed today!! Woohoo!!!
Top 5! Boom!
"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."
"Last year you suggested Tahiti, and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again!"
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, whatcha you gonna do this year that's different?"
"This year I'm taking Earlene with me."
After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent.
Good Morning!
IBTP wooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooo TGIF!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH8ObibNCoo
Not silly...but better than current renditions!
BTW...my first post was TOP TEN! Woo Hoo!
Woo Hoo!
top 10?
“An Irishman walks *out* of a bar...”
IN!!
Curses, foiled again.
A man is talking to woman in a bar and tells her that if she goes home with him, satisfaction is guaranteed. She agrees to go home with him and as they are undressing, she asks “Who do you think you will satisfy with that little thing?” and he replied “Me”.
LOL!
IN!!!!
Top 20?
There's no need to remind him every six months....."
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