It's that time of year again....
Posted on 05/29/2015 5:57:53 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
After Graduating from High School, David moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads:
Dear Father,
University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear David,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the crap out of them first!"
Obama was visiting an elementary school one day and he was eager to talk to the kids. Out during recess he noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
He approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Obama noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, he offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the President suspiciously.
Feeling he was making progress, Obama then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
Meanwhile...in the mens bathroom
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. 
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, " The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."
Dammit Facebook, how dare you tell me who I can't be in a relationship with...
By PEGGY NOONAN
Only problem, with cottonmouths, the only good one is a dead one. Just like coral snakes, copperheads, and rattlers.
LOL, no not all of them!
“What’s it like to be the last black president?”
Priceless!
(Of course if it was Alan West, that’s a different story!)
I love the Mayhem guy. He looks like a fun date to me!
We used to do that on a 1X6 behind a pickup in full ditches after a rain in West Texas.
Good Times...Good Times...
Am I last?
Yep :)
No
And
DON’T LET THE PLANE LAND!!!
worse, they want to coronate it...
100%
WOW! Somebody is still around. I’ve been posting on the Race Thread for 2 days and not seen anybody else.
When is next F1?
i cut back posting over 90% but i still read a fair amount of posts so don't take it personal if i don't reply much... next weekend, Canada June 5-7
OK Take care
Now am I last? It’s a different month in a couple hours!!!!!
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