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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 05/15/2015 5:27:44 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

As you might already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So at 7:00 am & 7:00... pm each day this week, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.


Fortunately for those of us with weak stomachs, THIS crowd of Democrats -- seen here at a recent rally for Hillary -- were clothed.

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service, and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer ... and I’m saving $49.95 a month!


Building Permit:

Some have asked what I'm doing in retirement.

Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 feet tall and 400 feet wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighborhood.

It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it green with pink trim.

The City Council told me, “Forget it...IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!”

So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a "Mosque." Work starts on Monday.

I love this country…it’s the government that scares the crap out of me!


A Canadian female liberal wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter correspondence. She received back the following reply:

National Defense Headquarters
M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinions were heard loudly and clearly here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called ‘Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint!

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal problem’ will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors, or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters, since he views females as a subhuman form of property, thereby, having no rights, including refusal of his intimate demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will "recommend" as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember...we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you!

Cordially,

Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: armedforces; friday; ofst; police
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To: Lucky9teen
Batter up ...


21 posted on 05/15/2015 6:08:22 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Liberty Valance

Top 20 something


22 posted on 05/15/2015 6:08:28 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Liawatha, because we need to beat a real commie, not a criminal posing as one.)
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To: Lucky9teen

23 posted on 05/15/2015 6:10:03 AM PDT by zeugma (Are there more nearby spiders than the sun is big?)
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To: Lucky9teen

I just posted this on another thread about Prom Dress Codes, and thought it would fit here too.

True Story:

My senior prom (Class of 1970) did not have a dress code, but everybody assumed that decolletage was unacceptable.

However, the statuesque, beautiful Black girl who sat directly across from me had evidently not gotten the memo, and was wearing an exquisite peach-colored gown with a plunging sweetheart neckline.

The first course arrived, a salad with a big round cherry tomato on top.

I attempted to spear it with my fork, and it did a perfect 3-pointer right into the plunge without even hitting the rim.


24 posted on 05/15/2015 6:14:01 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Lucky9teen

A Pakistani I knew once told me the U.S. could overrun any Muslim country it chose to, simply by airdropping live pigs and Playboy magazines.


25 posted on 05/15/2015 6:14:13 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog
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To: Lucky9teen
Sex slave kidnapping. Warning! Extremely explicit. This leaves nothing to you imagination. No kidding. You'll see the soon to be sex slave kidnapped right off the road.

I'm surprised YouTube allowed this to be posted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deqnFQgBgEk

h/t to Leo for propagating this disgusting filth.

26 posted on 05/15/2015 6:18:37 AM PDT by upchuck (The current Federal Government is what the Founding Fathers tried to prevent. WAKE UP!! Amendment V)
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To: Lucky9teen

None of the following are original with me.
27 posted on 05/15/2015 6:19:50 AM PDT by upchuck (The current Federal Government is what the Founding Fathers tried to prevent. WAKE UP!! Amendment V)
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To: Lucky9teen

28 posted on 05/15/2015 6:28:46 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: TexasCajun

29 posted on 05/15/2015 6:30:13 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Lucky9teen

30 posted on 05/15/2015 6:33:23 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Liberty Valance

31 posted on 05/15/2015 6:39:29 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: TexasCajun

a/k/a/ POETS day....(P*ss On Everything - Tomorrow’s Saturday)


32 posted on 05/15/2015 6:40:13 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It ain't a "hashtag"....it's a damn pound sign. ###)
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To: TexasCajun

33 posted on 05/15/2015 6:40:37 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Lucky9teen

34 posted on 05/15/2015 6:42:05 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: left that other site

Why not get a more powerful computer? Then ten would be faster.


35 posted on 05/15/2015 6:44:01 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Nothing is sometimes the right thing to do, and always a wise thing to say.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

I am content that my Guitar Amplifier goes up to 11! :-)


36 posted on 05/15/2015 6:45:22 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: left that other site

Mine goes up to 12. :p


37 posted on 05/15/2015 6:46:36 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Nothing is sometimes the right thing to do, and always a wise thing to say.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

HeHeHe! :-)

My BASS amp goes up to 13!


38 posted on 05/15/2015 6:47:25 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

Heh....real players don’t need an amp. ;)


39 posted on 05/15/2015 6:52:56 AM PDT by Mama Shawna
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP FITTY WOO HOO

40 posted on 05/15/2015 6:53:12 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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