Forget Apple fanboys, what about Apple doomsayers?

Apple zealots are one thing, but Apple doomsayers might be worse. This week, on The Network: John Moltz wonders why we ever mixed church and tech.

Yeah, you've heard it. Apple is just like a religion. And its customers are acolytes, steeped in the heady lore of the Church of Jobs blah blah blah. For certain pundits and commentators, this explains away everything they don't understand about Apple. Why it does so fabulously well, why its customers are so loyal, why the company is able to charge more for its devices... it explains everything!

See, if I could add an addendum to Occam's Razor it would go like this: The simplest explanation is usually the right one... unless it involves magic. Frankly, I think that it's much more valid to apply this argument to Apple's critics than its supporters.

Take, for example, those who continuously proclaim that Apple's doom is nigh. You don't have to look far for them: They literally use the word "doom" in their headlines.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying belief in imminent Apple doom is a religion. I don't think it is. You know what is religion? Religion. Words have meaning, that's what they're for. Most of these people who proclaim Apple doom don't even believe it themselves — they're just selling something.

No, I'm just saying one could make a better case that the Apple Doomsday Cult is a religion than making the argument that Apple itself is. Consider it a thought experiment.

For starters, let's look at the argument that Apple is a religion. We know this is true because researchers in Britain hooked one Apple fan up to a machine and found his reaction to the brand was stimulating the same centers of the brain that religion stimulates.

Oh, you can argue that one is not a statistically large sample or that even if Apple does stimulate the same brain centers as religion that doesn't mean much because lots of things — our loved ones, playing sports, or the rich, creamy taste of Litehouse Ranch Dressing — could do the same thing, that doesn't make them religions. But now you're just hating on science, hater.

Still there is the generic argument about the canonical "Apple zealot". Do these people who think Apple is perfect in every way all the time and will buy whatever product Apple ships actually exist? Probably. When I invented "Artie MacStrawman" nine years ago, it was not without its basis in fact. But here's the difference: The only place the Arties of the world write is in comments or forums or on the restroom wall of the Applebee's they walked into confusedly thinking it had something to do with Apple. They don't write for supposedly serious publications like Forbes, Fortune, Bloomberg and the Wall Street Journal. They don't have positions as big-time Wall Street analysts. They certainly don't get invited on television to make their case and they definitely do not get book deals.

Are there Apple fans who will take any opportunity to point and laugh and make snarky remarks about Apple's competitors? Haha, oh, yeah. Oh, my god, so many. Most of these people also criticize Apple, too. While we prefer Apple's products and their business model, we're not idiots. But pointing out that Apple makes good stuff and makes a ton of money for doing so — in other words, pointing out facts — does not mean you're a religious nut.

Maybe Apple doom is a thing because our culture loves stories that run counter to what everyone thinks. If you can come up with some kind of evidence that donuts are actually good for you, it'd be a big traffic day on Huffington Post. But this dogged adherence to the idea that Apple will fail runs back to the mid-1990s when it was actually failing. In other words, when Apple was failing, no one was getting cushy gigs telling people how it was actually succeeding. Which is good because it wasn't, but you can't explain the Church of Apple Doom away as simply the novelty of being contrarian.

Now, Apple is so much more of a success story than a failure story that it seems almost impossible on a quantum mechanical level. That's really the only thing you need to know to make my case: Apple's not just successful, it's incredibly, dramatically, wildly, record-breakingly successful. So demonstrably successful that saying it's doomed has gone light years past "not even funny anymore" and wrapped all the way around the universe to "thigh-slappingly hysterical" again.

And yet people still believe it's on the edge of going out of business. Well, as I said, they either believe that or they're just selling that idea to get attention. Which, of course, also goes on in religion. QED.

Is Apple always a success? No. Will it always be a success? Given what we presume is the infinite nature of time, probably not. Some time before the sun burns out, Apple will probably again get the kind of managers it had in the mid-1990s, an assortment of clotted meat products in suits who believe that market share is incredibly important and that chasing the lowest common denominator is a sure-fire way to win.

But we're nowhere close to that point yet. So to buy into the idea that it's happening right now, you have to take a lot on faith. Certainly a lot more than believing Apple is a success.

Not only are you stupid, you can’t read either. Where do I say that I “demand that the rest of the world think that way”.

Like I said this is like auguring with a 3 year old.

I’m done with you. If you don’t like Apple then STAY THE HELL OF THE APPLE THREADS!!!!!!!!!

Not only are you stupid, you can’t read either. Where do I say that I “demand that the rest of the world think that way”.

It's implicit in your claim that most people don't understand. By your account they're ignorant and wrong, and they only way they'll ever get it right is to change they way they think about it the same way you do.

I'm glad you looked it up and took the time to reply on it, it just proves my point. Yes all the reviews are bad. This just shows that Apple has no plans to compete against MS for the Business market. When’s the last somebody from Apple has talked to your IT staff about setting up an Apple Network?

Like I have been saying on this topic, if Apple REALLY wanted to compete against MS they would build a serious Business platform, and market it. But they are NO trying to compete with anybody.

How do I prove your point? I know about it because I have some buddies who do a lot of work with networks. But if Apple didn't want a piece of the server pie, why would they have any kind of server software? True, they aren't trying hard to compete, but simply having that product means it competes with something. Besides, they tried to compete, had a terrible product that no one wanted, and so they decided to stop trying as much, let Microsoft win that fight. But when it comes to the Home market, Apple is 100% competing in it. The exact same way Mama's Home-Style Pies is competing with flour producers, apple growers, and Disaronno. Microsoft powers more laptops in homes than Apple does. Apple may not want to compete with anyone, but they don;t have a full monopoly so they're stuck competing with the other players in the field: Microsoft, Dell, Lenovo, HP, etc etc.

Apple is Light years ahead of any body else out there, that is why they are the most Successful company in the world.

OK, let's go ahead and assume that's true. But Apple isn't 'light-years' ahead of everyone else, they make a product that is, for all intents and purposes, equivalent to their competition. They may have higher quality in many areas, but you pay a premium for that, and don't even try going into really high-end, Apple can't touch Alienware or custom builds.

The only reason Apple is so successful is because they were able to take their product, brand it as a hipper, cooler, less buggy version than what Microsoft made, and then their business practices are what truly made them successful. They have a product in the iPod/iPhone that is simple to learn/use, they have done a decent job updating current products (iPhone 3G, just before the 3GS), they have good customer service (although I much prefer being able to work on stuff myself, NUSPI devices suck), but the main thing is how they handle their financials. They don't spend much money outside of regular business expenses, they charge a huge premium on their stuff, and make good use of tax havens.

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