That's a lousy SHTF plan.
Posted on 02/25/2015 11:51:49 PM PST by Slings and Arrows
Got a plan for what you’d do if a zombie outbreak led to the total collapse of civilisation?
Bad news – you are almost certainly doing it wrong.
Simply hiding inside buildings – or God forbid, running around smashing in zombie skulls with a baseball bat – is a terrible idea, Cornell University researchers revealed after running the first ‘complete’ mathematical simulation.
The best way to survive is actually to run for country areas – in particular sparsely populated mountains (the researchers give the example of the Rockies, but the Cairngorms ought to do it).
By all means ignore the hordes of the undead and watch CNN The Cornell team ran a simulation on a real map of America, with 300 million people, using techniques used to model real epidemics.
‘At their heart, the simulations are akin to modeling chemical reactions taking place between different elements and, in this case, we have four states a person can be in—human, infected, zombie, or dead zombie—with approximately 300 million people,’ says Cornell’s Alex Alemi.
‘Given the dynamics of the disease, once the zombies invade more sparsely populated areas, the whole outbreak slows down—there are fewerhumans to bite, so you start creating zombies at a slower rate,’ he says – recommending that people should head for nearby mountains if there actually is a zombie outbreak.
It is very unlikely that the dead will return from their graves to devour the flesh of the living – but you may be surprised to learn that official plans have been prepared just in case.
The U.S. Centres for Disease Control and, more bizarrely, Bristol City Council, provide advice with dealing with reanimated corpses.
Buy handcuffs and a stun gun
We don’t have guns in the UK, so Bristol City Council recommends improvising weapons to deal with both the infected and the undead.
Stock up on supplies
America’s Centres of Disease Control suggest zombie outbreaks are much like any other pandemic – so ‘waiting out’ periods of acute infection, with a big stock of supplies, is a good strategy.
Wait for the government to find a cure
According to CDC plans, they ‘would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak’ if ‘zombies did start roaming the streets’.
Buy a protective suit
Buying an Ebola-style protective suit is a good idea, Bristol’s City Council suggests .
Isolate your family somewhere safe
America’s Centre for Disease Control director Dr Ali Khan notes: “If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack.”
> They also ignored an important issue.
Funny stuff...: )
He makes some valid points. ;^)
If the zombies move like fat 3rd graders, all I need is a bicycle, and I’ll be living like a king.
WWZ zombies on the other hand are going to require some sizable ammo stocks and taking an island somewhere.
And of course, plan on the government telling you that zombies pose no threat and that the ones biting people are perverting zombyism, and aren’t true zombies. Then they’ll register them to vote.
Loved that guy in Evil Dead 2. d:^)
amazing they have SOOOOO much time to
make this crap up-!
I am sure all the parents who are PAYING for
their kids education at this school are pleased
to read this dribble...
Oh well - back in the Early 70’s there were several
universities teaching the “truths” of the comic strip
“PEANUTS” -!- and why there was so much injustice!
Why do people bother linus and his blanket?
Why can’t Charlie kick a football-
Really, they gave credits for this!
Now full circle - but to a TV show!
Zombies.. HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF! - really???
How ABOUT DEMONRATS !- how to Protect yourself!!
NEVER VOTE FOR ONE!!
I would just love to see a zombie apocalypse if only to see everyone trashing small towns and the whole concept of small town America being forced to take back every single word they said on the subject.
I’m not sure that a zombie apocalypse would be enough to shock them back to reality.
They sure turned out in ‘08 and ‘12.
That's a lousy SHTF plan.
Ask Bruce.
Ask for it by name!
“... zombies don’t care about 50 shades of grey handcuffs and stun guns..”
You owe me a new computer screen, Irishguy. Dang...
Bookmarking for ZPL
They say these tips will help in a terrorist situation as well.
How'd that go in Boston?
I fail to see how any of this protects against the living bread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktD27xVIncg
Chainsaw therapy: The guaranteed cure.
The Gov says to stock up, but then mocks those who do.
Not just that... They also want to know who you are so that your supplies can be confiscated and redistributed for the ‘greater good’.
No double tap and cardio?! I’ve been preparing all wrong.
Nobody quite wants to say what is actually being prepared for, but everybody knows some form of it is coming.
“The best way to survive is actually to run for country areas...”
You and eighteen million others.
Good luck with that.
In any such situation, the living would be just as dangerous as the dead.
Best Insttuctions:
1. Stand in a relaxed, comfortable position.
2. Take a deep breath.
3. Bend over at the waist.
4. Kiss your *ss good-bye.
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