I Never Told You I Was Real Smart

Osage Orange ^ | 1-20-15 | Osage Orange

[Osage Orange]

Well.....Im not the sharpest toothpick...but I do have a degree.

Thus said....I'm a man. So....I have a lot of excuses.

Last week.....I had a water pipe leaking a bit underneath my home. Being the ultimate optimist..or just wishing it would go away..I waited a day or two..before taking action.

I was loathing crawling underneath my house...ONCE again. Oh....I've enough money to pay for that type of thing...but I'm smarter than that!! : ) My father taught me how to do many things...work on cars, work on plumbing..digging ditches, sweeping the damn garage.......ummm...sorry..I digress.

So....I've plumbed real crappy jobs...( sewer pipe...) cut and threaded galvanized...soldered copper, glued PVC, etc....so I CAN do it...but I aint jumping up and down about DOING it...under my DAMN house!!

But, because I'm smarter than the professional plumbers....I decide I can't avoid the problem any longer..after my neighbor's a 1/2 mile away tell me...there's a new pond in my pasture. Well....at least I'm creating some wetlands.

Anyway...I grab some duct tape...and crawl under the house. I find the problem...and after much thought...I deduce duct tape won't fix it. Dammit!!

I go to the local supply place....looking like a swamp man after a tussel with a gator....The owner eyes me up and down..and says we need a picture!! Bass Turd!!

Well I tell him what the problem is...and he proceeds to take me to some fittings and some piping called PEX that he says will/can/might fix the problem. I'm standing there...dirty, muddy, smelly..looking at fittings I've NEVER ever seen before!! WHAT the HELL are these I ask?

Why these are the new going thing...SharkBite plumbing fittings he says!! I'm totally NOT believing these fittings can work.....I need solder, I need glue, teflon tape!! He assures me...these fitting work. I'm thinking BS!!

But of course..I'm a man and I buy what he thinks I need.....all the time telling myself I'm an idiot..for believing him.

So I get home.....suck it up and crawl into hell again......with my pipe cutter, flex pvc cutter, and the fittings. Once underneath....I figure it out...cut what I need to couple some things together...push some fittings together...and bingo...I'm done. Thinking all the time this was too freaking easy!!

I crawl back 20 yds to the light.....turn the water on..and my meter isn't spinning like the USA debt meter...!! YEAH!!!...I fixed that puppy with the wierdest fittings I've ever seen!! My chest is puffed out...and hearing "Feeling Good" in my head!!

Five hours later at 2200.....I hear the water leaking again...W^$%&*!!!FH[[$$H!!! I KNEW it!! I should have duct taped everything!!! And not trusted these dumb ass fittings!!!!

As I am too old for this crap..and loath going under there again....I succumb, throw in the towel, fold, give up..etc. I call a plumber. But they can't come that day or the next...but maybe the day after that!!! My fate is determined.......I'm screwed.

I go back to the supply place.........I tell him...I have a leak again...sounds like the same place. I ask about fail rate on these @%^#$&$% fittings.....he say's it not high at all....OF course I'm SO HAPPY about crawling under there again!!!

I turn the water on about 1/4....so I can see where it's leaking. I crawl into hell again....skinny over 20 yards AGAIN to the leak...and yeah..it's spraying everywhere right out of one of them awesome %#$^$%&%!! fittings!!!! I start just making sure...they are all pushed tight...and lo and behold...one cliks together deeper...and the leaking stops outright!!!! IT"S A MIRACLE!!!

I crawl out....strip on my patio..go into my house naked...and take a shower. Thinking...hoping..that's it!!

Next day...I have to go to my Fri, Sat, Sun job......It's 0415 I'm in the shower...I notice a bump on my lower left front quadrant...Don't think much of it....

By the end of day...it's a sore bump..with some red around it. But the good thing is.....I'm an AWESOME PLUMBER...no leak!!!!

I wake up Sat morning. and it hurts to touch it...like touching it with a hot match!! . Got a little black dotting in the middle of the bump..and the red is bigger!! GOOD GOD!!! I think I got bit by a Brown Recluse!!! At least I'm figuring that was it!!! I look up all the info I can on Recluse bites...and start monitoring my symptoms....

It hurt to touch it...but I'm feeling okay. No other symtoms....I'm icing it..and taking some Tylenol. BUT AT LEAST I CAN STILL PLUMB!!!! NO LEAK!!!

That night I sleep okay..Sunday morning....it's worse!!!! Hurts way, way worse..bigger red...so I'm thinking...OMG it's going to necrose into my gut...down to my manhood..and I'm going to die!!!!!!

But...I don't have any other symptoms!!! I suck it up and go to work...because I'm a man, DAMMIT!!! I ice it down a couple / four times...and it finally doesn't look as tense and angry.....and by the end of the day...it's soft..and drained a bit. I'm GOING TO LIVE!!!!!!

I get home...and pop a beer. No water leak!!! AWESOME!!!

Life is GOOD!!!!!

Then notice the AIR isn't working!!!! WTH!?!?!?!?!?

Damn good thing.... I NO NOTHING about air conditioning.

[SgtHooper]

“...changes in code...”

Hey! This is purely a hardware thread—no software allowed! :-)

[Osage Orange]

LOL!!

[Osage Orange]

I'm a PEX lover now................

FRegards,

[credo 2]

Here is another solvent story by Dave Barry that was written in 2008:

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928987.html