When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
(With thanks to Anthony Jeselnik.)
Oh, you are going to get a reply from that guy who chewed me out yesterday! You can always tell it’s him. He always starts out “Dear scum-sucking swine”. Mom always starts hers out with “Dear garbage eating pig”. I can always tell the difference. He’s more formal than Mom.