Posted on 12/12/2014 4:27:57 AM PST by Lucky9teen
One day an old German shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost..
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep s*** now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
That’s the one...lol! Senile old bat!
No, number 31. Now get to the back of the line!
Mother: ‘Hello?’
Daughter: ‘Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?’
Mother: ‘You’re going out?’
Daughter: ‘Yes.’
Mother: ‘With whom?’
Daughter: ‘With a friend.’
Mother: ‘I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.’
Daughter: ‘MOM, I didn’t leave him. He left me!’
Mother: ‘You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.’
Daughter: ‘MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?’
Mother: ‘I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.’
Daughter: ‘There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.’
Mother: ‘What are you hinting at?
Daughter: ‘Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight..’
Mother: ‘You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?’
Daughter: ‘MA, its My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!’
Mother: ‘So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place?’
Daughter: ‘MOM, He’s not a loser.’
Mother: ‘A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.’
Daughter: ‘MA, I don’t want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?’
Mother: ‘Poor children with such a mother. ‘With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.’
Daughter: ‘ENOUGH MA!!!’
Mother: ‘Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!’
Daughter: ‘Great MA, Now you’re worried about the loser?’
Mother: ‘Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately.’
Daughter: ‘Goodbye, mother.’
Mother: ‘Wait! Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over? ‘
Daughter: ‘I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!’
Mother: ‘If you never go out ...how do you expect to meet anyone?”
Friday???? When the hell did THAT happen?
Totally LATE, but happy to be here.
That’s Andy...Damn you Andy.
I phoned my wife earlier.....
“I’m just heading off from work, do you want me to pick up burgers and fries on my way home?”
It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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Women...nature’s version of a Rubik cube.
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The extraordinary work of the NYPD
. . . always takes my breath away.
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I’m going to start publishing a men’s magazine similar to Penthouse, it will be called My House.
The centerfold will be exactly the same every month except her butt gets bigger.
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I have a bumper sticker that says, “honk if you think I’m sexy”...
I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
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