Posted on 12/12/2014 4:27:57 AM PST by Lucky9teen
One day an old German shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost..
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep s*** now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
In a church on Sunday morning a preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar.”
With that, Leroy got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?
Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Leroy how is your hearing now?”
Leroy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ‘til Thursday.”
Joe Biden’s Greatest Gaffes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWlSX9TT2eo
Good one!
I live in San Jose. We got that storm yesterday, and it gave us a LOT more than a tenth of an inch (over three inches, in fact). Didn’t stop the local news from sensationalized coverage, though.
No deaths or serious injuries from it, although there were some flooded buildings and freeways and several downed trees.
I just now was reading a piece on Uber-v-taxis, and it mentioned that the kids who booked Uber during those "peak" times, would get nailed for up to 600 bucks if they wanted to get the 30 miles back to Palm Springs.
I went on a date with a beautiful woman the other day. She raises bees and volunteers at the zoo. I think she is a keeper!
:)
I went to the zoo today and asked if they had any talking parrots. The zookeeper said they didn’t, but they had a woodpecker that knew morse code.
—
If I was a zookeeper, I wouldn’t even bother putting anything in the Chameleon exhibit.
—
A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions’ cage and asks them their names and what they’re up to.
The first boy says, “My name’s Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.”
The second boy says, “My name’s Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.”
The third boy says, “My name is Peanuts.”
—
A zookeeper walks into a bar with an elephant and orders two beers. After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor.
As the zookeeper stumbles for the door, the bartender calls after him, “Hey! You can’t just leave that lyin’ here!”
The zookeeper slurs, “Tha’shnot a lion; tha’shan elephant.”
—
“Don’t worry, the duck will pay for everything. Put it on its bill.”
And people wonder why the foreigners are doing the coding.
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