Posted on 09/08/2014 8:56:19 PM PDT by NKP_Vet
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, They had simultaneous Headaches. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
How did we get 45 years down the road without WWIII breaking out?
Don’t mean to ruin the joke, but its premise has to be acceptable in terms of reality.
I liked the camera one
still no sign of a real birth certificate from that Obama character...
Flying car “still on the drawing board.”
1 box of .22 LR now available, $7236.17.
Nationwide concealed carry permit system working well, average wait time down to 8 years and 3 months.
Nationwide 35mph speed limit said by experts to save so much energy we'll be using windmills in reverse as big fans to create breezes.
Hamas rejects latest cease fire proposal, resumes rocket fire on Israel. Israelis notice their lights dim briefly from directed energy defense system firing, nothing else.
Here's the true list
1) No Sunspots have been observed this year, making 25 years without any.
2). Icebreakers cut an ice free channel to Europe through the South Atlantic bringing much needed medical and emergency supplies to a frozen Europe
3). Two more nuclear power station came on line under the Northern ice pack this month....enabling the last section of the frozen Keystone pipeline to come on line.
There you go. Good ones.
Environmentalists are keeping to themselves after so many were beaten senseless after trying to prevent people from keeping warm by burning wood to keep warm in the continuing mini Ice Age.
Gun control hasn’t been an issue in years since ISIS terrorists were hunted down by law abiding gun owners near El Paso.
.. ... / .- -. -.— -— -. . / .- .-.. .. ...- . ..—.. / .-. . ... .—. -— -. -.. / .. ..-. / -.— -— ..- / -.-. .- -. .-.-.-
Here I am.
President for life Obama has now been dictator longer than Fidel Castro or Generalissimo Franco
I am surprised you could read it. I used a translator off the internet.
here’s mine:
1. AG admits new laser gun execution alteration to healthcare death panels inspired by 1970s movie Logan’s Run.
2. apple’s new holophone version 6 came out today, americans lined up to buy it for $500 canadian, 100000 peso, 400 euro, or 650 amero.
3. the india/china war for tibet/kashmir entered it’s 20th year. so far india’s population has stabilized at 800 million but china’s is down to 1 billion.
4. acting democrat president heraldo atzlan gaypants, criticized for a stagnant economy due to massive tax increases to “spur on spending’, once again blamed George W Bush for the current mess.
Obama to announce he will seek his 13th term as president.
And...
Chicago Cubs fans believe next season will break 161-year World Series win draught
Body found on golf course presumed to be that of ex-president Obama who went missing in 2058 resulting in the Henry Waxman Presidency.
1) The Dems will be blaming their economic mess on the TeaParty and/or George W. Bush
2)The NFFL (National Flag Football League, ex NFL) suspended a player for beating his spouse.
3)Due to a Massachusetts law, Ted Kennedy reelected Senator
4)last native born conservative Vermonter died of old age...
Supreme Court Approves Marriage Between One Man, Two Women, Three Goats, Five Horses, and a Large Granite Boulder.
Last Resident Leaves Detroit. Land Sold to Malaysian Developer. New Brony Theme Park Planned.
Illinois Hikes Cigarette Tax to $875 a Pack. New Revenue Will Be Used to Provide Medical Marijuana to Low Income.
Federal Deficit Reaches $978 Quadrillion. President Blames Chinese Landlords for Hike in Rent.
Floridians Gather for Holiday Celebration at Trayvon Martin National Park.
Major Security Flaw Found in Latest Release of Microsoft Windows.
Chicago Cubs Still Fail to Make the World Series.
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