Posted on 08/29/2014 5:45:30 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Thanks to Lazamataz's new book, I came across some other silliness:
Woman Shot in her own Driveway*
Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
According to someone who knows someone who knows someone, a recently divorced woman had to give up her home and all its furnishings as part of her divorce settlement. She packed her personal belongings into boxes, garment bags and suitcases. Then, she sat down for a farewell meal in what had once been her happy home. She put candles on the dining room table, soft music on the CD player, and laid out a feast of shrimp, caviar and champagne.
When she had finished, she walked around her home for one last time. She went into each and every room and focused on the happy memories. And then she deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. Then she cleaned up the kitchen, put her things into a U-Haul and left.
The next day, her ex-husband and his new girlfriend moved into the home. All was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam-cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. They moved out for a few days while exterminators set off gas canisters. They replaced the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, the local real estate agents would not return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to buy a new place.
The ex-wife called her ex-husband and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the smelly house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to buy the house, even though it obviously had some kind of a problem. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was a 10th of what the house had been worth — but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. Including the curtain rods.
LOL!
Um...about #67 - I have some bad news for you about your cat...
LOL,
Satisfaction.
On top of the refrigerator motor works too..... :)
If you look through your cache, you might find it.
Good choice :-)
I got it in 2007. 8 months later I found all the bondo-encased cardboard. I spent 2 years restoring it.
LMAO!!!
Two years well spent ,by the looks of it!
Hope she does you proud. :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.