Posted on 08/29/2014 5:45:30 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Thanks to Lazamataz's new book, I came across some other silliness:
Woman Shot in her own Driveway*
Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
top 20?
dang
The henpecked attorney
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him... about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news..
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. ‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.
He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’
Bring on the Silly, it was one hell of a bad week.
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’ ‘Don’t get up,’ said the Marine. ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good, I’d really like one, too.’ Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors… ‘Why does it have to be this way?’ ‘How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?’
I love those guys! Thanks!
Cheers,
Jim
Here’s an oldie.....
What does toilet paper and the starship Enterprise have in common?
Both are flying out past Uranus looking for Klingons.
FMCDH(BITS)
Airline employees sure are getting surly. I went to check in and choose a seat so I said “I’d like a window seat or aisle,” and the worker replied “or you’ll what?”
Cheers,
Jim
Along that line....
Q: What did Spock find in the toilet?
A: The Captain’s log.
TOP 40!!!
A set of jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says , i’ll serve you but you better not try to start anything
LMAO! Good one!
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