Posted on 07/21/2014 11:58:26 AM PDT by Morgana
I never thought it would happen to me. I’m technologically savvy, hyper-vigilant about parental controls, and frequently check the search and browser histories of my kids’ electronic devices. As a writer for LSN, I’m more aware than most people of the filth that’s out there and the harmful effects it can have on a developing brain (not to mention a developing soul). So that’s why I was surprised and heartbroken the day I discovered my ten-year-old son had been watching hardcore pornography on his iPhone.
It was the first day of final exams. At the bus stop that morning, my son suddenly tossed me his phone. “Hey, I forgot, I can’t have this at school during testing week,” he said. “Can you go put it on the charger for me?”
As I caught the device, I realized that it had been a couple of weeks since I had checked his searches. With a busy senior in the house cramming for her AP exams and getting ready for prom, a fourth-grader frantically trying to bring up his Geography score after a failed state capitals test, and a kindergartener whose math homework consists of the sort of activities that eat up an hour of your night (Make a cutout of your foot. Use it to measure every room in your house in “feet.” No, I did not make that up), it had simply slipped my mind.
And I really felt I had no reason to worry – previous spot checks of his search history had turned up things like “what is the worst tasting drink in the world,” “why are farts so awesome,” and “giant ship from star trek into darkness.” This is a boy who blushes at the mere mention of the girl he likes, and who I was pretty sure was in danger of fainting the first time she grabbed his hand to hold. So, what I was expecting to find in his search history was a peek into the mind of an innocent and slightly geeky ten-year-old boy with an affinity for fart jokes.
What I found was a lot darker than that. As soon as I brought up the history, my stomach sank. The search terms told the story in stark, broken phrases – most of which I can’t even print here because they’re too explicit.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said, between gasping sobs. “I wish I had never seen any of those things. I can’t get them out of my head. I want them out of my head. I don’t know what to do.”
It all started innocently enough – he apparently searched for an “underwear mod for Minecraft,” presumably because he thought it would be hilarious to see Steve walking around in his underpants. That seemingly innocuous search obviously brought up tangentially related results he wasn’t prepared to see, and his search terms quickly shifted in a more disturbing direction. “Naked people.” “Naked boys.” “Naked men.” “What is gay?” The browser history was even worse – search terms like that naturally led him straight to the bowels of the internet – including a porn video that traumatized me just by reading the title. I didn’t have the heart to watch it, but knowing my little boy probably had – I was shattered.
My heart broke for him as I realized what must have been going on in his innocent young mind. It all started with a relatively innocent search, and his curiosity took him from there. Unfortunately it took him to places he never wanted to go, and he was left wondering about his own sexuality just because he’d stumbled across some naked pictures on the internet.
When he got home, I sat him down and confronted him, gently, about what I’d found. He instantly broke down in tears, heaving sobs of the kind I hadn’t seen him cry since he was small enough to climb up onto my lap for comfort. At five feet-plus and 75 pounds, lap-sitting wasn’t an option, so I just gathered him into my arms and held him until he was calm enough to speak. What he told me broke my heart all over again. Advertisement
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said, between gasping sobs. “I wish I had never seen any of those things. I can’t get them out of my head. I want them out of my head. I don’t know what to do.”
We talked for a long time. I told him that what he had seen wasn’t normal, wasn’t real sexuality. I explained, for the first time, in explicit but appropriate terms, exactly what sex is and what it is for, and that it’s something God wants us to save for marriage so that all the babies who come from sex will have moms and dads to love them and raise them. I asked him if he thought he was gay. He said he didn’t know. I pointed out that all his crushes have been on girls, and that seemed to reassure him. I told him it was normal to be curious about people’s bodies and about sex, but that if he ever has questions, he needs to ask me or his dad, not Siri or Google.
He begged me not to tell his father – he was so sure he would be angry. I promised him he wouldn’t be. (My husband has had his own struggles with pornography in the past, and I knew he, of all people, would be sympathetic while also being able to convey just how damaging porn can be. Later that evening, they went for a walk and had their own long talk. It seemed to help.)
I told him that he was absolutely not in trouble, but that I would be taking his phone away until I could figure out how to protect him from ever seeing those things again.
It turns out that in iOS7, you can block explicit searches, so I upgraded his software from iOS6 and activated the stricter parental controls. (He has an iPhone 4S and hadn’t previously wanted to upgrade out of concerns about possible performance issues. That hasn’t been a problem, FYI. iOS7 runs fine on the older device.) I also installed a new browser on the phone that sends me daily reports of every site he’s visited, and double checked that his laptop computer’s safety controls were similarly up to snuff. (The laptop, surprisingly, has not been a problem – it turns out it’s much easier to control what he can access there than it is on a phone.)
Finally, I told my son that for at least a little while, I’d require him to be in the physical presence of a parent in order to use any internet-connected device, just so we can keep an eye on him and make sure he’s safe. To my surprise, he was absolutely fine with that – he seemed comforted, even.
The last thing I did was hand him a copy of The Boy’s Body Book. I explained that his body and feelings are about to start changing in big ways, and that the book would help him know what to expect. I told him we could read it together, or he could read it on his own, but that I would always be available to answer any question he has about sex or his feelings, and I will always tell him the truth, and he’ll never be in trouble for asking.
It’s been a little over two months now, and all is well. He’s gradually earned access back to his devices, although, I still require him to be in a public area while using them. I doubt he’ll go looking again for naked people for a long, long time. Advertisement
That doesn’t mean I won’t keep constant vigilance, though. I’ve learned my lesson.
For a good introduction to keeping kids safe online, check out “How to Childproof the Internet” at PCWorld.
Note: Abby Moore is a pseudonym for a LifeSiteNews writer who wishes to protect her family's anonymity.
providence/natuer gave us all those body parts and the functionality that goes with them. it is the woman who has issues with pictures of the body parts and by transitivity with providence/nature. the attitude of the woman that sex is shameful is just passing on her psychological trauma to her son, who is the victim. i wonder what she does to him when they visit a zoo. what kind of commotion does she throw up then? “don’t look, those bad zebras are doing IT! don’t watch!! bible this!! bible that!! blablabla!!” sheesh.
There isn’t any way to buy a phone plan that doesn’t include some kind of data plan also, at least for AT&T, and an iPhone.
You have to buy a data plan. Now one thing you can do is buy the cheapest one, and “turn off cellular data usage” (that’s an option in the iPhone). Unfortunately, it can be easily turned back on so not so useful as a parental control.
Alternatively you could tell your children “no using the phone for data outside the home” and check the data usage online on a regular basis. If they use it you can see that they did.
I agree with your assessment. Today, it’s zero-to-sixty in a mouse click. I used to look at the bra ads in a Sears catalog until I worked my way up to Playboys. Now, any kid with an internet connection can go from complete ignorance to the depths of depravity with no stops in between.
It’s a bit much for a young mind to fathom.
Seriously?
Sheesh, why do you post my question before I do?
I am way up there in age, but I still do not feel the need for an iphone.
I see my beautiful 16-month old granddaughter busily swiping her mother’s iphone and happily pointing at the screen and I feel a deep sadness come over me. What a waste of gray cells.
I see our young hot engineers solving all kinds of problems with canned computer programs and I look at my precious bamboo slide rule and technical books and I know that I can do the same with pencil and paper but I know that they cannot do what I can.
When TSHTF and all lights go out, the EXXONS, the Chevrons and engineering companies will shed their computer jockeys and come running to us old farts for help.
I hope the lights never go out because I don’t see myself working for a boss again.
Understood. And, agreed.
:-)
“I pointed out that all his crushes have been on girls....”
.
That’s some dangerous talk. The school’s staff may not approve, think it is wrongfully sexist and may want to have a few words with you.
Several of mine, if you can believe them.
lol
I think I first heard, “I’m a young stenographer. My name is Sally Brown”, when I was about 10. It seemed to check out with most of what I’d gathered from about age 7.
I was so poor that I grew two stomachs so I could regurgitate my food and eat it twice for its nutritional value.
They have elaborate plans to use these items, too.
Only those over 18 with a private income have phones, though.
“[H]is search terms quickly shifted in a more disturbing direction. “Naked people.” “Naked boys.” “Naked men.” “What is gay?”
My kids know that every electronic device in the house — except mine — will be smashed instantly upon discovering any untoward search (and not replaced for years). Done it before, for other reasons. Do have all the parental controls available.
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Good for you. The unfortunate thing is that the parents of some kids your children hang around with don’t care. . thus your kids see it anyway. “hey look at this!” We live in sick times. . childhood is or is becoming a thing of the past.
You have to explain weirdos to your kids at a really young age in today’s world. If properly done their curiosity will subside before it even begins.
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Over many years our church has missed the boat not explaining to kids about what was really going on in Sodom and Gomorrah as well as the days of Noah. I think some heartaches may have been thwarted.
I try to tell lessons that get the truth across. They seem to get the point.
Careful or people are going to label you an old worthless poop with outdated ideas. :)
Technology has as many pitfalls as benefits, and I still stand by my assertion that a 10 yo does not need an iphone, especially if it leads to exposure to pornography such that it would make a 10 yo boy believe that he’s gay. Modern porn is not just naked lady pictures.
Disagree. I did not have to buy a data plan.
The kid is 9 or 10. He likely was laughing his butt off at every stage of his investigation, and following it with, "What ELSE they got on here?!?"
I can disable my son’s plan. We have done that before when something similar happened to him.
And we turned it back on when we upgraded our phones, recently.
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