You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
Posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
Oh, hell no.
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?
Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.
1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.
Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”
Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.
This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.
AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.
The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.
They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.
What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.
“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.
Then he’s okay with being ignored on father’s day?
Glad I didn’t blow the curve!
Haters gonna hate...
Nope. Nothing compares to the look of my wife of 31 years’ breasts.
Yeah, he's consistent that way. He doesn't have biological children and doesn't expect me to do anything. He's always really touched when my children acknowledge him on Father's Day, but he doesn't expect it.
If you want to look thin, surround yourself with people much heavier than you are.
Exactly.
Of all the husbands who were murdered by their wives
In all the history of the human race
Not one was washing dishes at the time.
That wasn’t funny.
Um, why? Was that your cat?
Remember National Clean Up Paint Up Fix Up Day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrYjVv9SyMQ
“It’s also good civil defense; which is everyone’s responsibility.”
Of course not, but it was a living being that suffered pain, obviously, and laughter was definitely not
my first (or any) response to the spectacle. Who laughs at something like that? It’s an awful lot like
the horrible man who was taped kicking a cat 20 feet in the air, dancing, and laughing like a madman
afterward.
That cat was not seriously injured, but the cat in the video you posted may have broken its neck.
Since there was no follow up, we’ll never know.
Not funny.
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