"Hey, Mr. Kotter, I got a note!"
Posted on 02/08/2014 10:27:39 AM PST by rickmichaels
It was his first month teaching at Northern Illinois University, and the last thing Christopher Schneider expected to see in his classroom was a topless student.
A young woman had missed a class and, afterward, in front of a line of people waiting to talk to him, pulled out a picture, which showed one healthy breast and one covered with a bloody bandage. “She says, ‘I had a lump removed,’ ” recalls the sociology professor, who now teaches at the University of British Columbia. “I put my hands up over the image. I say, ‘This is entirely not necessary; a doctor’s note would have been just fine.’ ”
It’s a cringe-inducing tale, but it’s evidence of a truism: Student excuses are evolving. And if you miss a class, need an extension on a paper or have to rewrite an exam, you’d better have a good one. And some proof.
The days of “the dog ate my homework” are well behind us and, as tuition fees skyrocket and the job market tightens, the stakes have never been higher for busy students desperate to juggle looming deadlines. The digital age both gives and takes away: One website boasts it was “voted the Internet’s most reliable [source of] fake doctors’ excuse notes,” while instructors trying to ensure academic honesty are verifying car accidents and crimes, not to mention searching death notices and obituaries. It’s class warfare–and the professors appear to be winning.
“It’s a terrible era [in which] to lie to your professor, because so much of it can be double-checked,” said Marina Adshade, a professor of economics at UBC. One of her students wanted to skip an exam because his father was in the hospital. “So I said, ‘That’s fine, all you need to do is take a photograph of your father’s hospital bracelet, email it to me, and I’ll make the adjustments necessary for you.’ And, of course, I never hear from the student again.”
The death of a loved one has become such a facile excuse that the “dead-grandmother syndrome” is an inside joke for many instructors. In 1990, a satirical essay in the Connecticut Review suggested that exams were causing so many grandmothers to die that it was presaging the “downfall of American society,” and suggested the solution was for universities to accept only orphans. A 2002 follow-up from Rutgers University said its solution—the threat of a difficult makeup essay—“saved the lives of four out of every five grandmothers who would typically die during the week leading up to a major exam.”
McGill political science professor Rex Brynen has taught an estimated 17,000 students in his career, and no one has ever complained about being asked for a death notice. The documentation policy helps sift the scofflaws from the sufferers: Brynen remembers asking for proof a grandparent had died in the Middle East, but the student said his culture did not employ death notices. Unfortunately for the student, it happened to be a culture that Brynen has spent plenty of time studying and writing about. “I told him, ‘Not only do you have death notices, but you have really big death notices,’ ” he says. “He backed off the excuse and there was no further attempt. That relative never appeared again.”
While wariness is key, so, too, is empathy. Serious issues such as sexual assault and mental illness can cause students to clam up or be vague in their explanations, which can come across as deception. Brynen’s advice—to be a good and willing listener—is especially urgent. A 2013 survey of 30,000 students by the Canadian Organization of University and College Health found that, in the January to April semester, nearly 90 per cent of students reported feeling overwhelmed by their workloads. More than nine per cent had seriously considered suicide in the past year. “For every lame excuse I find, there are two or three actually really good excuses that we have to remain sensitive to,” said Brynen.
Frances Woolley, an economics professor at Carleton University, recently explored the so-called “dead-grandmother syndrome” and found that demographics could explain it.
According to Statistics Canada, an 80-year-old grandmother would have a 4.7 per cent chance of dying in any given year. But, Woolley noted, a class of 100 students can have as many as 400 grandparents. “The odds of all of the grandparents making it through are actually fairly low.” She also points out that students are more likely to report a loss when something is on the line. “People will typically only report what’s going on in their personal lives on a need-to-know basis.”
But changing demographics mean the dead-grandparent syndrome is morphing into the dead-parent syndrome, says UBC’s Adshade. When four students missed time last year because of their parents’ failing health, she looked at Statscan’s 2011 General Social Survey, which monitors changes in the living conditions and well-being of Canadians. It showed that 25 per cent of fathers and 12 per cent of mothers in Canada would be in their 60s by the time their children completed their undergraduate education, an increase from 16 and 6.5 per cent, respectively, last time the survey was done in 1990.
“That whole generation grew up, they postponed getting married, they postponed having children, they focused on their own education and their own careers,” she said. “Their kids are now dealing with older parents at earlier stages in their lives.” And parents are a much bigger responsibility than grandparents. “Let’s say your grandfather is having an operation; you wouldn’t expect all the grandchildren to turn up and sit at his bedside. But when it’s a parent, you do.”
Honesty is still always the best policy. In fact, extra time doesn’t often produce a significantly better result, Adshade says. But if you are going to sneak one by the prof? Well, even they will admit they’re only human.
“I’m a dog lover, and I know that, if something happened to my little guy, I’d be very cut up,” said Woolley. “That’s a hard one, whether or not it’s a legitimate one, because it does hurt. I’m a bit of a schmuck for it.”
For the record, healthy breasts are my favorites.
During basic training in 1968, the night guard ‘discovered’ my footlocker lock [gasp] unlocked and reported it.
For the next several days, my crime (and punishment) were undisposed. When the next poor SOB in the barracks screwed up, we were ushered off to CC....Correctional Custody....where we were submitted to 4 hours of general abuse, water abuse and a variety of other demeaning treatments.
The next day, the Sergeant stood us all in formation and asked me if I’d like to say what happened (he wanted everyone to know the what failure brought) I said “No Sir!”
The other guy (someone I’ll forever think of as a -—well, you can imagine) detailed the encounter at CC with excruciating detail....
Later, having kept the stupid lock, I found that it would open easily if pulled - with no key. It was defective.
When I was a freshman, during the ending of the second semester, someone stole by bookbag during exam time and I still made all of my exams. I did have to borrow the calculator from my physics professor.
You should have checked the lock immediately when you got it.
This little charade the military does with locking lockers is to teach recruits security.
If one can't even secure a locker, how in the world are they going to secure anything else?
It also teaches following directions.
Being detail oriented, following directions, and securing property can keep one alive in many circumstances, military and civilian.
You called your drill sergeant “sir”?
While the emphasis in this article is on excuses in academia it sorta misses the central point - too many kids these days are ethically and rationally bankrupt. They do and say things without thought to consequence, and when they are reminded of those consequences they typically shrug it off with indifference.
I have a niece that I think the world of and constantly shake my head at. She’s fallen in with a group of losers and recently posted pictures on the Internet of the gunshot wound she got in the leg like it was the coolest thing to be an active participant in a drive-by shooting.
When her grandmother (my mom) passed away she wanted to live-blog it on Farcebook from the hospital. When I asked her to put her friggin phone away show some respect she got indignant and argued with me. I honestly do not know if she realized how inappropriate her behavior was.
All I know is that I’m the bad guy for stifling her expression.
Back in high school (1970) seniors could write their own notes. I imagine some were pretty entertaining. Mine were all true, of course.
Signed,
Epstein’s Mother
“The death of a loved one has become such a facile excuse that the “dead-grandmother syndrome” is an inside joke for many instructors.”
In my case, when I used it, it was actually true.
So you are saying you are recommending checking for lumps daily?
Haha. Same thing happened to me. If you did not turn the knob after pushing in the pin in the lock, the DS could pull it down. Some people did know that and did do that to get locks opened quickly and get ready in time. I had no idea about the charade or own it works.
It all followed by the dreaded “you re all dead! The enemy got in his locker and just through his grenade at you.” And we would be getting the run push up run sit up drill and be doused with gas when gasping for air... yes... we were all dead, vomiting and passing out.
Worst part is the DS was a dude who had lost family in gas chambers. He wanted us to be reminded of something. :(
When I was in tenth grade my boyfriend (now husband of 21 years) moved to another state. The day after he moved, I refused to go to school. My dad wrote me a note that said “please excuse my daughter from school, she was lovesick”.
My homeroom teacher excused the absence and gave me the note back. Last week, I was going through a box of old keepsakes with my children and I found that note. They thought it was adorable.
One of the funniest tag lines I’ve seen (at least my inner 17 year old likes it): I’m not a gynecologist, but I’d be happy to take a look.
I used to work at a place that had an employee who was notorious for making excuses for being absent or late, and the excuses were so atrocious that they were usually funny- so much so that one of the supervisors kept an informal collection of them. The entertainment value of these excuses was apparently high enough that the guy never did get canned for his transgressions.
He left under his own steam about the time I was hired, but that supervisor kept the legend alive by complaining about subsequent excuses from the rest of us, insinuating that we were uncreative by comparison… after which he'd rattle off one that he considered apropos (and ludicrously unlikely).
Mr. niteowl77
While the emphasis in this article is on excuses in academia it sorta misses the central point - too many kids these days are ethically and rationally bankrupt.
&&&
You are exactly right. Far too little proper training of young people today, and I was fully immersed in the results during my years as a high school teacher.
Okay sarge
"Hey, Mr. Kotter, I got a note!"
I used to write early dismissal notes all of the time. The ONLY time I was questioned, was when my mom actually wrote it.
The Asst. Principal knew I was forging, but I was getting out of studies to go to work and hour early. I was a good student and athlete. Doesn’t make it right...
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.