IN Before the PING!
Well, good morning!
TOP TEN! YAY!!!
Top 10!
My girlfriend stood in front of our length a said dejectedly, “I’m getting fat, ugly and old. I need a compliment today.” and turned to me looking sad. On the spot I said “Well, your vision is damn near perfect.” She was nice to have around.
The most hilarious thing I've heard in ages!
WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!
Old Umbrellas
Best Senior Moment I’ve heard!
Here’s a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester.
There were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America.
I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman’s shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, “Lady, don’t you care about the children of Iraq?”
The old woman looked up at her and said:
“Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a bitch like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country. If you touch me again, I’ll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it.”
~ God Bless America ~ I love getting old
2nd page!
And, for my contribution..
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman And she was upset.
‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you.
I want a divorce right away ! And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.
‘Go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’
And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, whi ch you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.
‘The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please, Do you have Anything else that your wife doesn’t use?
That’s how we ended up in bed..
