***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

I always feel like.....somebody's watching me.......

In the event that the U.S. government is monitoring your conversations,
here are some useful phrases to insert into your phone calls, texts, or e-mails:

I think the N.S.A. is awesome.

I just reread “Nineteen Eighty-Four”—it actually has a lot of good ideas in it!

There’s no such thing as a “bad” drone.

Sure am glad that I never talk to any foreigners.

I wouldn’t know the first thing about making ricin.

The Fourth Amendment is overrated.

If you ask me, Guantánamo is full of nothing but complainers.

Just changed my Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship with America.”

I’m pretty sure my neighbor is cheating on his taxes.

Operation Troll the NSA
Let's jam up the NSA's scanners

IF MILLIONS OF US, ALL AT THE SAME EXACT TIME, CALL OR EMAIL SOMEONE WITH OUR KEYWORDS-OF-TERROR-FILLED SCRIPT, WE CAN GIVE OUR NATION’S IMPRESSIVE SURVEILLANCE APPARATUS THE KIND OF TEST IT DESERVES.

They say they don’t read or listen to the contents of our messages. Why not test it out?

It'll be fun.

---

Here is a sample script:

Hey! How’s it going? I’m all right.

My job is so shitty I wish I could overthrow my boss. It’s like this oppressive regime where only true believers in his management techniques will stay around. I work marathon-length hours and he’s made all these changes that have made it the worst architecture firm to work at in Manhattan. Like he moved the office to the Financial District and fired my assistant. She was the only one who knew where the blueprints were! I need access to those blueprints to complete my job! F my life, right? And he keeps trying to start all these new initiatives to boost revenue, but seriously we just need to stick to what we do best. There’s only one true profit center. I seriously feel ready to go on strike at any second.

I just read this article about how these free radical particles can cause the downfall of good health and accelerate aging. These could actually cause death to millions of Americans. If these particles are flying around undetected everywhere, does that mean we’re all radicalized?

Have you seen the second season of Breaking Bad? I just finished it. I couldn’t believe that episode where they poison the guy with ricin! That was the bomb! I won’t say any more because I don’t want to reveal the earth-shattering events to come.

Oh! So I’ve been planning a big trip for the summer. I’m thinking of visiting all of the most famous suspension bridges in the United States. So probably like the Golden Gate Bridge, The Brooklyn Bridge, and the Verrazano Narrows Bridge. I’m gonna bring my younger brother and I know he’ll want to go to bars, so I’m thinking of getting him a fake drivers license, but I hope that doesn’t blow up in my face.

Okay, I gotta run! I’m late for flight school. I missed the last class where we learn how to land, so I really can’t miss another one. Talk to you later!

---

TWEETS for #TrollTheNSA Pretty LOL

Good Question

[ArGee]

Eep.

I am in SO much trouble.

Fortunately, the women in NYC aren’t armed by law.

But people get pushed in front of subway trains in this city.

I’m gonna have to be nicer to the women I see.

[Pan_Yan]

The Central African Republic's flag has managed to make an incredibly busy flag with just five straight lines, and one lonely star. While this flag looks horrible enough as it is, if it is seen waving in the wind, it actually induces seizures.

Since they have a coup every couple of years I'm sure someone will change it soon.

[Monkey Face]

Thanks! That was...umm...enlightening.

:o])

[ArGee]

The flag of Fryslan looks a lot like the flag of Guam.

And Fryslan looks a lot like a typographical error.

[Monkey Face]

Fortune cookies???

[Pan_Yan]

I drive 32 miles each way (used to drive 56 each way) and The Connector through Atlanta is eight lanes each direction. I’ll have to keep that in mind.

[IYAS9YAS]

Sorry, I don’t get it.

Took me a minute to remember it.

The woman on the right is Dr. Temple Grandin. She's autistic, but has done amazing research in animal health and humane handling. Claire Danes portrayed her in the film Temple Grandin.

[ArGee]

[Monkey Face]

Oh. Well. Since I never grew up to look like that, I have actress envy...

[ArGee]

Do "Pearls Before Swine" panels get yanked?

Well, in case you can look at it before it does...

A prime example of why I love the strip.

[Monkey Face]

*groan*

[Lucky9teen]

[r-q-tek86]

...the Undead Thread/Friday Silliness Archives specifically in my keeping

I'm a gonna need access to that... linky?

[r-q-tek86]

I don’t think the Pearls strips get yanked, I just think the master of the Pearls posting - one DogGone - has been AWOL for some time.

[ArGee]

For anyone who has forgotten just how funny The Gipper was.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/lists/ronald_reagan_jokes/communism.html

[Lucky9teen]

What's your favorite#NSALoveSong?

Dennis Miller was onto something when he suggested “Every Breath You Take” as a suitable replacement for “Hail to the Chief.” Even Sting admitted in interviews the song was intended to be ”very, very sinister and ugly,” and it was inspired by thoughts of “Big Brother, surveillance and control.” It’s a pretty good fit, then, but we know Twitter can do better. For a more contemporary take on the romantic side of spying, these users tried their hand at #NSALoveSongs.

[Monkey Face]

Sorry, it’s on my hard drive. Right now, it only has about 450 KB, because I haven’t been as diligent on keeping the Keepers as I was several years ago. Mostly, it’s just one joke at a time...

However, if you can find a way that won’t kill my slave, I can give it to you. There is not necessarily any distinction between the two threads (OFS and UT) but I believe I’ve been keeping the Best since 2003 or so.

You can FReepmail me if you wish. It may be a day or two before I get back to you on it, as I’m suffering with bleeding ulcers right now, and need to get them under control.

[ArGee]

Yeah, watching the news gives me ulcers these days as well.

[Monkey Face]

Just got this in email.

Laff, pleeze!

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran)Air, da no-frills airline.

You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience.

Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck.

Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land ‘til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety
system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up. I’m only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet,so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we’re going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying da Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say “trespass against us,” which isn’t right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in da
wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am going tobe real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I’ll say Grace: “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close.” Amen.

Movie will of course be Fargo, served with some nice Lutefisk

[llevrok]

I live in a small town. When I meet some one for the first time, they will often say, “Your face looks so familiar....”.

“You got that right, pal. I probably flipped you off last Tuesday!”, I say to myself.