Posted on 12/21/2012 5:19:58 AM PST by Lucky9teen
10. The 5,125 year long calender of the Mayans will end precisely at 11:11 AM on 21st December 2012, the winter solstice of the year. The timestamps in all the databases will be reset to 0000-00-00 00:00:00.00000, causing Google to crash permanently. 9. When you are in the market for doomsday predictions, remember, it's alignment, alignment, alignment! This time, the earth will be at its center and the sun will be aligned at the top of the string of planets. At the rear end of the alignment will be a black hole in the exact center of the Milky Way. And, therefore...
8. "King of terror shall come from the sky. He will bring to life the King of Mongols. The Huge dog will howl at night, when the great pontiff will change lands." - Nostradamus, of course.
7. In a repeat of 9792 BC, Venus moving in retrograde of the Orion constellation will cause the sun to rise to a new horizon, making way for two sunsets and two sunrises. Understandably, this will drive Osiris, the resident god of Orion, crazy.
6. Antichrist will gain domination over the world, in league with the false messiah. There will be blood and...Armageddon. Why 12-21-12? Because, 12-21-12 = 9-11-01 + 3-10-11!
5. According to the most recent batch of Sumerian tablets — on sale for $19.99 at Dept. 13, P.O. Box 666, Nippur, Sumer — the Anunnaki [aka Nephilim], filled with remorse for genetically engineering us, will crash their plant Niburu into the Earth.
4. According to the "Brahma-Vaivarta Purana", Krishna has promised Ganga that she would be allowed to end her hellish sojourn through India, and return to Shiva's head on 12-21-12. Insane with jealousy, Durga will annihilate the universe, sparing only Kolkotta. 
3. The Mormons have built an underground city to escape the apocalyptic events that they believe will happen in 2012. Everybody knows that the Mormons are never wrong.
2. Physicists will successfully extract God particle in CERN's Large Hadron Collider by the end of 2012. Enraged by this new kid on the block, Abraham, Allah, Thor, Vishnu, Yhwh, and Zeus will join forces to destroy the world.
1. Precisely at 11:11 AM, on 12-21-12, when the sun aligns itself with the Tropic of Capricorn, I will forget to wash my hands after using the restroom at the SFO Airport, setting off a pandemic with the superbug, NDM-1.
Could it be the end of the world as we know it?
Leaders of both parties announced today that they have reached agreements on all of the previously intractable issues.
“We just got so used to opposing each other, no matter what, that we lost sight of what’s important,” said Harry Reid, Democratic Senate Majority Leader. “Although it will be difficult not to continue to follow our instincts right into oblivion.”
For starters, the budget will be fixed by increases on taxes on the wealthy, along with smart cuts in spending, mostly in the military.
“We finally realized that such a bloated military would do us no good if the world ended,” said John Boehner, Republican Speaker of the House.
“It turns out what really scared the hell out of us was the Mayan prophecy, not the fiscal cliff,” said Boehner. “Suddenly, coddling the super-rich just to secure political office on this earthly plane seemed so lame,” added the Orange One, tears filling his eyes.
In fact, part of the Mayan prophecy actually refers to an important figure of these times as “The Orange One, who cries like a baby girl.”
Another part of the Mayan prophecy refers to “the man many will call a ‘Secret Muslim.’” According to this portion of the sacred text, the “powerful man” is actually a “Secret Mayan,” and the text relates that, “we here creating this Calendar for the Ages laugh at the thought of the future Tea people thinking he’s a Muslim born in Kenya. After all, everyone knows he is to be born in the heart of Mayan country, the future Mexico.”
The sacred text continues: “The leader of the free world must be a Mayan at this time, and since even our great Prophecy cannot tell whether dishonest forces will be able to rig future elections, all major candidates must be born of ancient Mayan blood.”
In other historic agreements, it was decided that GMOs will be phased out, “if there’s time,” due to their potentially catastrophic consequences to the global food supply.
A huge investment in all natural resources has been agreed upon as well, including the drilling in all areas available in North America and an immediate halt to EPA Regulations. “We can actually use our own resources, we realized, after thinking it through,” said Senator Reid.
It wasn’t all love and harmony in Washington, however. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), a House Minority Leader, tried to start a filibuster to stop the process, saying, “This is just a Tea Party trick to take over the world! God will punish all unbelievers!” Just then a crack in the Senate floor opened and swallowed her up.
“That’s when we really saw the light,” said Reid.
The president spoke to reporters in the Rose Garden this morning. “It is with great pride that I announce these historic agreements,” said Mr. Obama, “and we can only hope that we’ve extracted our collective heads out of the proverbial sand in time.”
“May the great Mayan Gods have mercy on our souls,” he said. “Oh yeah, that’s right: I’m Mayan, you idiots!”
Well, its actually 12-21-2012. On the real 12-21-12 Jesus was probably a teenager.
WTF??? No over yet?
wooooo hooooooooo i’m still here.....
When you look out your window and see this?
You will know Ragnarok has truly arrived.
It’s not silly, but please observe a moment of silence in memory of last week’s tragedy in Newtown, CT.
Today is the end of the end.
Aaaannny minute now...
George Carlin:
Forecast for tonight: DARK, with scattered light in the early morning hours.
My favorite forecast.
True, but which ones were fake?
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa..
‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’
Judy Carne - Sock It To Me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpXP8abAv_w
Same to you, FRiend...and thanks for all the chuckles, laughs and smirks over the years!
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