Posted on 11/11/2012 12:09:12 AM PST by Yaelle
I wrote this tonight and just need to share it. Maybe some of you have family members with this insidious disease too.
Hello; it's good to see you.
I don't remember why it's good to see you, but it is.
I know I like you, and my eyes crinkle in evident delight that you are here.
Immediately I want to rattle off something witty and topical,
But I don't remember the words right.
So I look for something I can see, and relate it to you.
It's good to see you.
My smile is not like my smile of before. It's full of undivided pleasure.
When you used to come, I'd have a frown right after my quick grin.
The market is down; my team lost; there's a plumbing problem; I've got so much to do.
I'd cut the visit short because I was so busy.
Now, for now, nothing impedes the pleasure I have at just meeting your eyes.
I know I like you.
Later my expression will seem pained. It may be time for you to go.
Stimulation makes me very tired after a while.
I still walk like I did, hale fellow well met.
I know I used to feel important. I still do.
I don't remember why.
I don't remember that I used to juggle so many balls in the air;
I ran a business, took jobs on the side, volunteered, and traveled the world.
Numbers and bills and stocks and payrolls flew in and out of my head all day,
Things it now takes six people a lot of time to do instead.
I used to read trade papers, journals, novels, biographies.
Now I read each piece of mail with equal interest,
Even if it has an envelope that reads, "You may already be a winner."
I love to see my family. I ask questions of my older grandchildren
But they aren't the curious questions I used to ask.
Still, I try to ask a question, even if I don't get the words right.
I want to still tell them I love them
But I can't.
I want them to grow up like me, putting the most important things first.
It didn't always work with their parents but I hope it skips a generation.
But I can't get it right so I just smile at them and try to ask them if they are happy.
I still crouch down and play with my little grandchildren.
Nothing has changed! We connect in a special way
And that is all we need. We laugh. We play. We roll a ball together.
I hope they remember playing with me.
I am so glad you came.
I long to share with you something I thought about recently.
I can't.
I love getting your opinions. I just don't remember on what.
But it's good to see you.
I know I'll be smiling big when I see you next time.
Take it one day a a time. Your attitude is what's important, IMO. We enjoyed and laughed at the funny things she said and did. I shared with my friends some of the funny things she did. She passed two years ago at the age of 94 after being bedridden the last five years.
Even today it isn't unusual for a friend to remind me of something funny my mother said or did...and we have a good memory, shared again with a laugh. More often than not it is something I had forgotten and I'm happy for the reminder.
Attitude is everything!
I agree with you completely. I still love being with him no giving him my love and gratitude. Your grandpa and his raspberries, I love that you have his picture there.
It’s my mom who is taking on too much. We are about to get her a health care worker at home for him, which she doesn’t want. But this is too much for her and it isn’t going to get better. :(
Thank you so much, sweetie, for those nice words. Yes, your uncle sounds very familiar.
Thank you, Jim. Prayers really work. I do hope he does stay carefree as he is 95% of the time. His last 10 years of lucidity, he was “Atlas,” bearing far too much upon himself, always worried and crabby. His smile is so big now, and he has nothing to worry about — I pray he doesn’t develop the angers and fears of some patients. It’s a long sad road.
I believe it too. They are in there and they can feel the love.
Thank you for the compliment. It just poured out of me, thinking of my dad but also thinking of all the others out there suffering.
“Why you’re her mother!” I still cry when I think about it.
Awww.
Yes, how can I ever forget the good times? He made so many of them happen.
Oh, honey. Gd bless you and your precious dad too.
Oh, my dear. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. Over nd over. And now to be preparing for the same fate. Gd bless you and may you be spared somehow. I’ve always had a so-so memory and now each time I forget anything I wonder over and over if this is how it starts. How can you not worry?
I will pray that you are somehow spared.
Thank you. Yes, a sense of humor helps, and Dad still has some of his. We do laugh! He comes out with some funny comments when the family talks. It’s not always so funny but I am glad there are still those times.
It’s tragic. Life can be so hard at times. We all need to pray for strength and patience.
You were a blessing to your Dad. I hope to be so for mine.
With illnesses and conditions, I reach back to a paradigm I learned long ago. Life is a tapestry of beauty and color and meaning, like a real tapestry upon a wall, but we are not privileged to see the beautiful side. What we see is all the yarn, knotted and tangled on the back side, and often it doesn’t make sense. Gd and the angels can see the true whole picture. One day it will be our turn to understand.
Thank you for your prayer.
Hang in there. It’s not a burden...it’s a work of love.
Well said, both of you!
Alzheimer’s/dementia runs in my family as well...
Mom and I talk at least once a day - I live in AL; she is home in VA. Some days she calls me back, like we haven’t spoken in days...
I just listen to the same stories like it’s the first time she has told them to me...
Sometimes I do laugh; sometimes I cry...
Hang in there!
Bless you!
"eyes crinkle in evident delight to see you" This is what brought tears to my eyes. To know your dad delights in your love even if he can't express it as he'd surely like to. That love you give him is something so many of our elderly long for and never get from family who've long forgotten them. What a joy to see that the Alzheimers hasn't terminated the family bond as it has for so many.
I've had so much joy in my life. But this part isn't so great. I understand that! It's easy to get lost in the heartache, frustration, and plain injustice of it all, isn't it? I've learned that I have to focus on the opposite aspect (gratitude) to keep peace and find joy to share. If I'm doing laundry and I see socks are missing again, I give thanks that I had parents who gave me warm socks when I was a child. How many times did I lose mine? If I'm running to the store to pick up something, I can feel resentful about the loss of time and the inconvenience. Or I can be grateful that God gave me parents who surely ran to the store for me when I was small and unable to care for myself. If mom or dad couldn't remember something, I'd thank God that he's blessed me with so many memories of them to cherish. For me, the key is to turn everything into a moment of gratitude that I had what I'm now losing for so long. If that makes sense.
Thank you again for sharing. May G-d bless you and your family with peace and much joy in your time shared together. Is there an Alzheimers ping list?
Beautiful. Heartbreaking.
Alzheimer’s Disease is so cruel. So cruel.
Prayers for you and your family as you walk this difficult road.
Primatreat- I don’t know how to respond except to say that I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s so cruel.
I will be praying for you daily.
What a wonderful attitude to have. I am going to try to borrow it.
Gratitude is the key to enjoying life.
Thanks.
Prayers for your father.
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