Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy
I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.
I would love to hear some of yours.
I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.
My dad (NYC):
"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."
From a buddy from Indiana:
"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."
"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."
From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:
She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."
A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:
"What kind of fresh hell is this?"
Now you go...
That’s like buying a pig in a poke.
From an old USMC buddy from South Alabama, when asked if he wanted to go do something:
“Well, I can’t dance, it’s too wet to plow and too windy to stack BBs!”
Speaking of BB’s, someone who was not very bright:
“The size of his brain in his skull was like a BB rolling around inside the SuperDome.”
From Tennessee
Shiverin like a dog shitten razor blades
People become Methodists so they can beat the Baptists to Lunch, old joke.
People become Methodists so they can beat the Baptists to Lunch, old joke.
Ha! We used to say “So skinny he can dodge raindrops!”
Finer than a frog hair split four ways. NC
"She was built like a burlap bag full of bobcats".
Serious as a heart attack (Florida natives)
She/he looks like they’ve been rode hard and put up wet (to describe someone weary or homely)
So.. she's fat
Dad’s from Texas:
“That’s like shootin’ fish in a barrel” (usually used when someone related a underachieving accomplishment)
“That gal’s about a double ax-handle” (used to reference a large behind)
“She’s as big as a barn door” (dad’s got a thing about large women)
“Oh I guess I was about half-drunk” (I’ve decided he means he was really drunk but can still recall the evening)
Go rent the the movie Bernie. It’s packed fuller ‘n a tick on a coon dog with expressions like this.
It’s cattawampus and cattycornered here.
Another funny one, if someone was full after Sunday dinner, when asked if they’d like another slice of pie or something, they’d say “thank you, thank you very much, but no, I’m sufficiently sufficed.”
I heard this exact phrase just the other day.
Dad also used to say:
“She’s got more hang ups than a tree full of possums” (chick with issues)
But I googled it and looks like possums don’t actually hang. I’ll have to ask him about this one.
Waaaay southern Illinois
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