Posted on 08/18/2012 10:26:18 PM PDT by bicyclerepair
Hi FRiends, Boy do I need someone to talk to.
Just came back from dropping off my daughter at college and the empty house is making me cry so much.
Been a member since 2004. This is my first post. So sorry but I can't stop feeling sad and hurting inside because I miss her so much.
I respect you all so much and value your comments. Some are harsh, but most are honest and decent. So maybe I can drown my heart-ache reading your thoughts.
Sincerely, bicyclerepair--Ft. Lauderdale
Keep your mind busy, I’m sure you will both stay in touch. One thing you might not be considering at the moment, this time apart as mother and daughter my bring you two even closer.
My granddaughter is on her way to Baylor. From Co.
Don't be sorry! If your spirit prompted you to post this, it was what you were supposed to do.
And she was raised a die-hard Christian with solid conservative values.
I'm reminded of a sign in my mother-in-law's house ... “Parents give their children two gifts. First they give them roots and then they give them wings.”
“She needs a puppy!”
Never use food to comfort sorrow...
What you are experiencing is a redefinition of yourself. Your identity and how you perceive yourself has changed. You are losing the “parent” “caregiver” identity and must again find out who you really are.
Finding your strength in your religious faith will provide you a new identity that will be even stronger and more secure than the old identity you lost.
We are taking my daughter back next week. My wife is already sad about it. I am not. I am so excited for her. She is learning so much. She grew up so much her first year. She is living on her own in a very controlled environment. Consider the alternative.
Your hard work and love are giving her the education and personal survival skills she will need to make it in this wacky world.
I am sure you did a good job raising her. Concerns about drugs, drinking and sex are valid, but if you did your job she will make the right decisions.
Let her live her life. You have done your job. Be proud.
You will find a lot of time on your hands. Find something positive to do with it. My wife and I discovered Friday night dates after twenty years of going to school plays and basketball games. We found we actually like each other after all these years. It’s nice.
I know it’s hard to watch our children grow up and move on. They will miss you a lot, too, and will return every once in a while. :-). Besides, you can feel successful/proud as a parent that you raised a child that felt ready to test their wings. God bless!
My empty nest lamentations would probably start to subside on the back nine.
Then it quickly became, "We're FREEEEEEE!"
One Sunday night I asked my wife, "Hon. It's another Sunday night. Do you realize we haven't had to make one single dash to a store on a Sunday night to pick up something for a school project in over 3 months?"
Best benefit of Empty Nest?
You get to fall in love with each other all over again.
With each passing day, you are another 24 hours closer to grandchildren.
The last thing your young adult child needs is an emotional leech sucking at her life. She absolutely won't appreciate it.
You should be rejoicing. This is a child who is taking her first baby steps into life. What's needed here are cheers of encouragement and helping hand **only** when absolutely needed. When my children took these first steps I was thrilled at their success and said to myself, “They are so cute. Look! They are confidently toddling out into independence!” With each life passage, their first job, marriage, owing a home, having children these were, and are, my feelings.
This is a** normal** part of growing up and growing old. Thank God that we live in an age of Skype and video calling, interstate highways, and cheap airline tickets. Our ancestors, when they left home, they were never seen again.
Next, God is giving you **time**. Use it! Build a business. Fully develop a talent. Do serious volunteering. Contribute. Build some wealth for you and your descendants to enjoy. Get out of your head.
Welcome to the “RED SALMON SOCIETY”
You have swam upstream, spawned, raised your young and now begin that long, slow, float back to the sea.
I’ve had 3 go off to college ... I feel your pain.
But rejoice in the opportunities that await your child and be glad for them.
(and make them get a degree in SOMETHING that they can market)
Do not feel ashamed, we are all friends here and what you feel is absolutely natural. I have read all of my predecessor responses and see one thing that has not been mentioned yet.
From your user name, you are not unacquainted with bicycles. So my suggestion is to take a long early morning bike ride whenever you can (it is Florida in August after all). See if you can recruit others to ride with you. I have just come back from a 19 mile ride through a local park / reservoir (multiple loops). I watched the sun rise on the clouds, listened to the frogs and birds and thanked God for his Works.
I did much the same when I lost my Mother several years back. The grief was still there but getting out and seeing life continue was a real anodyne to my sadness. It is well known that exercise brings the ‘feel-good’ endorphins so what harm is there in trying this.
Glean what you want from the responses but it sure seems that you have hit a popular heartstring with your lament. God Bless you and your family, close and far!
Aw, I feel your pain.
Be comforted by knowing she’ll be with a lot of other kids who will watch out for her...really.
I thought the college drop off for number one and only son would do me in.
What turned out to be worse was the first apartment after graduation.
Who’s going to watch out for my kid?
Cried all the way home after moving him in.
Cycles of life. May some of those tears be joyful ones, since your daughter is maturing and becoming a wonderful woman.
My oldest will be off to college next year. I am already feeling a bit sad about her last year at home but I can see she is excited about planning her college adventure. It helps that she is so busy with life now that sometimes I only see her early in the morning and late at night. Just remember that you have a lot of local freepers if she needs any help. Don’t hesitate to ask.
There are people and causes who can use you- find some
Do you like animals? Become a foster pet home or adopt an abused animal and nurse it back or join a pet rescue group
Miss kids? Get involved with Girl Scouts, we need leaders
Become a babysitter or after school care sitter and help out working parents
Volunteer as a tutor at the schools or become a subsitute teacher or aide
Look for volunteer agencies ads and get involved
Red Cross- another good one
Museum docents- fun if you like to immerse in history
Start a new hobby or rejoin an old one
horseback riding, art, sculpture, kayaking, biking, photography, music lessons, or whatever
or go back to college yoursrlf and get another degree for fun. Community college is pretty cheap, or go online
My Dad cried when they dropped me off at FSU all those many years ago. My Mom went home and threw a party. 4 years later I was back in my old room since I didn’t major in anything remotely leading to job placement.
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