Do not feel ashamed, we are all friends here and what you feel is absolutely natural. I have read all of my predecessor responses and see one thing that has not been mentioned yet.
From your user name, you are not unacquainted with bicycles. So my suggestion is to take a long early morning bike ride whenever you can (it is Florida in August after all). See if you can recruit others to ride with you. I have just come back from a 19 mile ride through a local park / reservoir (multiple loops). I watched the sun rise on the clouds, listened to the frogs and birds and thanked God for his Works.
I did much the same when I lost my Mother several years back. The grief was still there but getting out and seeing life continue was a real anodyne to my sadness. It is well known that exercise brings the ‘feel-good’ endorphins so what harm is there in trying this.
Glean what you want from the responses but it sure seems that you have hit a popular heartstring with your lament. God Bless you and your family, close and far!