IN !!!
IBTP!!
Old Butch
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.
He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
In before 10!
Top 10
HOW OLDER GUYS PICK UP CHICKS
I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making out, I thought, “Man, these Taser guns are well worth the money!”
Church Ladies With Typewriters — again
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Eric “With” Holder.
Never iron naked.
A gold nugget walks into a bar. A biggot piece of coal sitting in the shadows yells, "A U, get outta here!"
I’m passing this on because it worked for me today... Dr Oz on TV said that to reach inner peace we should always finish things we start, & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Patron, a 12 pack, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.
